LAUGH LINES
More on Gore: “Al Gore is trailing his Republican rival in national polls. They show that people aren’t warming up to his personality. Last weekend, Gore was named sexiest man alive by Popular Mechanics magazine.†(Argus Hamilton)
What’s in a Name: “Finally, the Artist Formerly Known as Prince has cleared up all the confusion by revealing who he really is: the Artist Formerly Known as the Artist Formerly Known as What’s-His-Name.†(Kenny Noble Cortes)
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The Essential David Letterman
Top Bobby Knight Tips
for Controlling Your Anger
10. Don’t choke anyone--if you must, make sure they deserve it.
9. Avoid situations that trigger outbursts, like being around people.
8. Every time opposing team scores, 40 milligrams of Prozac.
6. Slowly count to 10--more fun to head-butt someone after giving 10-second running start.
5. Four words: an hour of Oprah.
3. Smashing TV won’t stop “Beverly Hills 90210†from going off the air.
1. When your face turns color of your sweater, take a timeout.
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