Survival of the Fittest--and the Least Chauvinistic

Out here in Hollywood, people make television programs for a living. And to have the No. 1 show in the ratings is every network’s dream.

From 1952 to 1957, for the most part, the top-rated program on television was “I Love Lucy.” It was a show about a scatterbrained woman, back when it was OK to portray a woman as a scatterbrain without getting sued or fired.

From 1957 to 1961, the top-rated program was “Gunsmoke.” It was a show in which the only regularly featured woman ran a saloon, maybe even a brothel.

From 1964 to 1967, the top-rated program was “Bonanza.” It was a show with no regularly featured woman, just (as comedians have joked), a 50-year-old man raising three 40-year-old sons.

From 1971 to 1976, the top-rated program was “All in the Family.” It was a show in which a husband called his wife a “dingbat,” which in my dictionary is defined as “a stick or other object suitable for throwing.”

From 1980 to 1984, the top-rated program was “Dallas.” It was a show in which a husband cheated on his wife every time he stepped off the ranch.

From 1991 to 1994, the top-rated program was “60 Minutes.” It was (and still is) a male-dominated show where only two of the anchor people wear earrings, one of whom is Ed Bradley.

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I won’t go so far as to describe women on TV as oppressed minorities. However, in looking up programs that dominated TV’s ratings, I was struck by how many women on them were ridiculed, rejected or neglected.

Now here’s what got me to thinking about this:

I finally got around this week to watching the hottest new show on television--something on CBS called “Survivor.”

For weeks, this has been the only regularly scheduled program to attract better ratings than that quiz show with the questions so stupid a donkey could answer them, “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.”

“Survivor” premiered several weeks ago, and it was a success right from the start. This obviously thrilled everybody who works for CBS, since ABC appeared to be on the verge of airing that quiz thing 365 days a year, 20 to 23 hours a day, with occasional interruptions for Oprah Winfrey and football.

What I long noticed about “Millionaire,” though, was that most of the contestants were men.

Women viewers probably enjoy watching scatterbrained men. (I’ve seen guys on that program who could have been asked to pick a number between 3 and 5 and requested help from the audience.)

But it did make me wonder whether “Survivor” might be something that would not only entertain women, but involve them more.

I didn’t know much about it. Somebody told me there was no script. That strangers were brought to a deserted isle and left there. That they would survive by their wits, which is more than most of Regis Philbin’s guests do.

“How do they win?” I asked.

“They eliminate each other, one by one,” a friend explained.

I knew CBS was desperate for ratings, but I didn’t think it would let people on an island actually kill one another. (Fox, maybe, but not CBS.)

“Eliminate by a vote,” I was told.

Weeks went by without my being able to watch. “Survivor” surpassed the quiz show in the ratings. I began to wonder if any TV show in the future would require a writer and a script, other than wrestling.

Wednesday night’s episode began with a survivor preparing to kill a chicken. I don’t recall Gilligan ever doing this. Later on, a large lizard known as a monitor slithered into camp and killed a chicken. This show murders more poultry than Col. Sanders.

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I was glad to see women on the island. There was a scavenger hunt, followed by an obstacle course. The women competed on equal terms. They hunted. They swam. They killed chickens. They ate dog food. (I swear.)

But something funny happened. These tough, impressive women spent the whole show complaining that the survivors they most wanted to eliminate were the men with sexist, condescending attitudes. Like one who called women dumber than cows. And another who acted like a know-it-all.

When it came time to vote, sure enough, one of these rude dudes was sent packing. He went away pouting that the women mistook him for a chauvinist pig. Actually, he should have considered himself lucky that these women didn’t cook and eat chauvinist pigs.

I just said to myself: “Good. Women are finally getting even, for all those other TV shows.”

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Mike Downey’s column appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Write to: Los Angeles Times, 202 W. 1st St., Los Angeles, CA 90012. E-mail: [email protected]