After Book About Golf, Writer Feels at Top of His Game

After two years of attempting to master the game of golf, Robert Woodcox of Costa Mesa was at the point where he stopped throwing his clubs and had learned to “tone down� his language.

But during one memorable round when he was about to break 90 for the first time, the former ad-agency owner found himself slicing the ball and watching his score climb on the 15th hole. Feeling himself “unraveling,� Woodcox hauled off and punched a ball-washing machine.

He broke a bone in his hand and didn’t play for the next three months.

Moral of the story:

“It took me breaking a bone to realize I was obviously just taking this thing far too seriously,� joked Woodcox, 51, whose injury paid an unexpected dividend: During his 12-week golf hiatus, he began writing a book.

“The Golf Gods Are Laughing: The Confessions, Obsessions and Insights of a Golf Addict� (Seven Locks Press; $14.94) is Woodcox’s humorous look at his favorite sport.

The fact-filled trade paperback covers all aspects of golf--its history, traditions, rules and equipment. Not to mention tips on everything from golf course manners to divots. Chapter headings include “Zen and the Art of Not Scoring,� “When All Else Fails, Cheat� and “The Importance of Cigars and Other Golf Gizmos.�

Woodcox, who now writes full time after owning an ad agency for 25 years, took up golf in 1996.

While recuperating from his hand injury, Woodcox explained, “it occurred to me that I’ve got to find a way to look at the lighter side of golf.�

He began with the rule book. “The rules are so arcane--the U.S. Golf Assn. book of rules devotes four pages just on the ball. And the etiquette is ridiculous--they’re so polite, it’s disgusting--so I thought, ‘I’m just going to take a look at the funny side of golf.’ �

He then began talking to fellow golfers, asking them to talk about the strange and humorous things that have happened to them on the course.

“Everyone always has stories,� he said. “Through all that research and going back and looking at my own experiences and the ridiculous amount of time and money I spent on golf, I really got a laugh out of it.�

And, he later discovered, “the more I relaxed, the better I played. And, he said with a laugh, “I was more fun to be around.�

Santa Ana-based Seven Locks Press published Woodcox’s book in June; two 3,000-book printings later, “The Golf Gods Are Laughing� is going into its third printing.

Publisher Jim Riordan said he thought the book would be bought by the prototypic golfer--a male age 40 to 65. What he discovered instead is that women are responsible for more than 90% of the purchases.

In doing nearly two dozen book signings and speaking engagements, Woodcox discovered most women buy his book for their golf-addicted husbands and male relatives.

Not that women aren’t just as obsessed with hitting a tiny white ball into what Woodcox in Chapter 5 calls “The Incredible Shrinking Hole.�

In fact, as Woodcox relates in his book, Mary, Queen of Scots was an avid golfer in the 16th century. (Her love of the game was passed down from her father, King James V.)

While in school in France, Mary would have other students carry her clubs. The students were called “cadets�--pronounced “cad-day� in French and thus giving birth to the word “caddy.�

In fact, Woodcox said, Mary was so dedicated to golf she was back on the links only three days after her husband, Lord Darnley, was murdered.

A woman is also credited with having the highest score ever achieved by a professional on a single hole. The record-breaker occurred in Pennsylvania in the early 1900s.

Woodcox said the anonymous woman’s tee shot landed in the river that ran along the course and her ball floated downstream.

“In those days they still used a ball called a feathery; it floated in water because it was stuffed with bird feathers,� he said.

The woman got in a row boat and went after her ball. She eventually beached it and proceeded to hit it back toward the par-3 hole.

She finally sank it--after 166 strokes.

Woodcox still hits the links himself at least once a week.

As he said, “I’m just as addicted as I was. I just don’t break things anymore.�

Woodcox will discuss and sign “The Golf Gods Are Laughing� at Borders Books and Music, 429 Associated Road, Brea. 7 p.m. Saturday. (714) 672-0120.

*

Coffee, Tea and Mystery will celebrate the grand opening of its new Garden Grove location, 11931 Valley View St., Saturday and Feb. 6.

Events on Saturday include a treasure hunt at 1 p.m. and a best-opening-line mystery writing contest at 3 p.m.

At noon Sunday, a reenactment of one of Nancy Drew’s cases will star volunteer suspects who will be cross-examined by the audience. At 1 p.m., Orange County mystery writers Carroll Lachnit, Philip Reed and Martin J. Smith will participate in a panel discussion. At 3 p.m., James W. Hall will discuss and sign “Rough Draft.�

For more information, call (714) 898-2583.

Also Coming Up:

* Matt Witten will discuss and sign “Grand Delusion� at Coffee, Tea and Mystery, 11931 Valley View St., Garden Grove. 1 p.m. today. (714) 898-2583.

* Nancy Dunn will demonstrate techniques in her book on golfing fundamentals for children, “SWINGplay,� at the Book Connection, 10932 Pine St., Los Alamitos. 2 p.m. today. (562) 430-5578.

* Poets Jaimes Palacio and Wendy Piatt will read at the Gypsy Den in the Lab Anti-Mall, 2930 Bristol St., Costa Mesa. 8 p.m. Tuesday. Free (714) 564-6526.

* Barbara DeMarco Barrett will interview author M.J. Rose (“Lip Service�) on “Writers on Writing� on KUCI-FM (88.9) in Irvine. 4 p.m. Thursday.

* “Penny & Wade� cartoonist Ruben Gerard will present a drawing demonstration and sign his collection “More Chocolate . . . Less Stress� at Borders Books and Music, 3333 Bear St., Costa Mesa. 2 and 7 p.m. Saturday. (714) 432-7854.

* Mark Alch will discuss and sing “How to Become a Millionaire� at Borders Books and Music, 3333 Bear St., Costa Mesa. 7 p.m. Saturday. (714) 432-7854.

* A used-book sale will be held at the Anaheim Public Library, 500 W. Broadway St. Anaheim. 11 a.m. Saturday. (714) 765-1880.

* John Crean and Barbara Venezia, stars of the “At Home on the Range� cooking show, will sign “At Home on the Range: The Cookbook for the Deranged� at Borders Books and Music, 1890 Newport Blvd., Costa Mesa. 3 p.m. Saturday. (949) 631-8661.

Send information about book-related events at least 10 days before event to: Dennis McLellan, O.C. Books & Authors, Southern California Living, The Times, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626. Or e-mail to [email protected].