COLLEGE BASKETBALL TOP 25

No. School (Record) Comment

1. Michigan State (10-0) Nice to see the Associated Press jumping on the No. 1 train.

2. Stanford (9-0) After Duke win, Casey Jacobsen opens savings account at a fall-away bank.

3. Duke (10-1) Henceforth to be referred to in this space as “Stanford of the South.”

4. Wake Forest (10-0) Will need three hands on deck for Dec. 29 game against Navy.

5. Virginia (8-0) Has been waiting all year for tonight’s game versus Bucknell.

6. Florida (8-1) Brent Wright could do no wrong against Bethune-Cookman.

7. Arizona (6-3) Lute Olson shakes up the lineup, then a cocktail for new football Coach John Mackovic.

8. Connecticut (10-1) Memo to 6-11 Ajou Deng: Don’t let top of the door hit you on the way out.

9. Kansas (10-1) Coach says: “We’re the dumbest team to step on a basketball court at times.”

10. Tennessee (10-1) Not to be outdone by women, men’s team set to play outdoor game on South Pacific atoll.

11. Illinois (9-3) Dirtiest team in America led by Lucas “Pig Pen” Johnson.

12. Seton Hall (8-2) School billed for games this week against law firm of Wagner and Hartford.

13. North Carolina (7-2) Lavin tells Doherty he has a shampoo that can wash that gray away.

14. USC (9-2) Aloha Bowl begs players to stay and fill empty seats.

15. Syracuse (9-1) Fans treated for rare “Orange Spot Disease” after hosting Tennessee.

16. Wisconsin (8-1) Here’s a shocker: Badgers hold Marquette to 47 points.

17. Alabama (9-1) The football team would have killed for this record.

18. Cincinnati (8-2) The “C” in C-USA basketball stands for Cincinnati.

19. Maryland (8-3) Scorekeeper quits after team racks up 123 points on Norfolk State.

20. Oklahoma (9-1) Sign at Norman City Hall: Gone to Miami for coronation, be back Jan. 4.

21. Georgetown (10-0) Secret password for all team meetings is “Ruben Boumtje Boumtje.”

22. Notre Dame (7-2) It’s Long Island on Friday and then on to Big East play.

23. Iowa (9-1) Alford is upset after upset loss to Kansas State.

24. Iowa State (10-1) Yahoo! The Cyclones win a tournament in Hawaii.

25. Mississippi (11-1) First trip to Hawaii soured by lack of grits.