LAUGH LINES

Teacher’s Pet: “In Maryland, a 37-year-old teacher was charged with having sex with a 12-year-old student. Things have changed since I was in school. Now when you hear a teacher is strict, that means she probably won’t have sex with you on a first date.� (Jay Leno)

Serious Smooch: “Al Gore startled the convention by giving Tipper a romantic kiss onstage. Environmentalists had to be horrified. It’s starting to look like Al and Tipper are the cause of global warming.� (Argus Hamilton)

Kissy Face: “Newt Gingrich got married to Calista Bisek. With the TV cameras rolling, he gave his wife a 45-second kiss. Who says Al Gore doesn’t provide presidential leadership?� (Hamilton)

Persistent Force: “Kathie Lee Gifford will perform a concert this fall outside the ‘Today’ show studios. It’s part of her nationwide ‘The Thing That Won’t Go Away’ tour.� (Conan O’Brien)

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