LAUGH LINES

Romance This: There are now 6 billion people on Earth. “So you know you’ve got a problem if you still can’t get a date for Saturday night.” (Gary Greenfield)

Happy Anniversary to Them: The Clintons celebrated their 24th anniversary last week. “They celebrated as they do every year--a traditional, quiet candle-lit apology.” (Bill Maher)

Here Come the Govs: “Costume companies in Minnesota report that their No. 1 seller this Halloween will be the Jesse Ventura costume. It comes with a bald wig for your head, a mustache for under your nose and a foot for your mouth.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

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The Essential David Letterman

Donald Trump campaign slogans:

10. “He’ll make our national defense as impenetrable as his hair.”

9. “A new first lady for each year of his candidacy.”

7. “Fewer $350 hammers--more 99-cent shrimp cocktails.”

6. “Trump-Oprah--still less embarrassing than Clinton-Gore.”

2. “Finally, a president who knows when to get out of a bad marriage.”

1. “Because he really needs to boost his self-esteem.”

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