LAUGH LINES

Keeping Score: New York and Texas have a bet on the outcome of the Yankees-Rangers playoffs. “And here’s how it works now. If New York City loses, we have to send Texas a ton of hot dogs from Nathan’s. If the Yankees win, then Hillary has to run for the Senate from Texas.” (David Letterman)

On the Campaign Trail: Possible presidential contender Donald Trump paid a visit to Larry King. “Morbidly shy Donald Trump broke his lifelong abhorrence of the spotlight by telling Larry King he’s forming an exploratory committee--an exploratory committee to test the political waters and block other exploratory committees’ views of the river.” (Jon Stewart)

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The Essential

David Letterman

What Yankee bench coach Don Zimmer said after being hit in the head by a baseball:

10. “What am I doing at a baseball game? I’m a ballerina.”

9. “I like bunnies.”

6. “At least it got that damn ‘Mambo No. 5’ song out of my head.”

5. “I see dead people!”

3. “Torre, you bum, put in Babe Ruth!”

2. “Someone tell Mariah that Derek Jeter’s all mine.”

1. “Go Mets!”