Ideas for These Homer Calls Are All Wet

Tom FitzGerald of the San Francisco Chronicle recently asked his readers a question:

What should the home run call be at new Pac Bell Park when a Giant sends a pitch soaring into the bay? Here are some of the responses:

* It’s high tide for the horsehide.

* That one’s gone unless you scuba.

* Mr. Rawlings sleeps with the fishes.

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Trivia time: Who holds the UCLA record for pass completions in a game?

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Combat zone: Former pitcher Joe Magrane, on Candlestick Park: “The wind blows, the fog rolls in. If that’s not exciting enough, they ought to plant land mines arbitrarily in the outfield.”

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Options: Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder Brian Giles: “I always check the weather. I’m a big weather guy. I either want to be a meteorologist or an American gladiator when I retire.”

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Paranoia: A few weeks ago, New England Patriot Coach Pete Carroll had workers tape brown shipping paper over the windows of the media work room at Foxboro Stadium, so no one could watch his team’s walk-through sessions.

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Memorable day: On Sept. 22, 1948, Stan Musial went five for five against five Cincinnati pitchers. Four times that season, Musial got five hits in a game.

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It’s our way: Jeff Gordon in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “Geez, the way Europeans are crying about the Ryder Cup, you would think that Team Crenshaw ran around giving the foreigners wedgies and spraying them with seltzer bottles.

“So our boys showed some emotion. So what? This is America, the country that produced ‘Baywatch,’ the Beastie Boys and Big Macs. So we’re a little unrefined. Deal with it.”

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Compassion: New York Met Manager Bobby Valentine said after a recent loss that, if the Mets don’t reach the playoffs, he should be fired. Headline in the New York Post the next day: “Why Wait? Can the Phony Now!”

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Modest: Cincinnati Manager Jack McKeon, on his front-runner status as National League manager of the year: “I appreciate that, but it’s not me. I just make out the lineup and hide.”

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Get a life: Jon Saraceno in USA Today: “Is Oakland quarterback Rich Gannon the quintessential Raider, or what? ‘I’m a jerk,’ he told the San Jose Mercury News. ‘I’ve always liked being a jerk.’ ”

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More Saraceno: “The last time Jet linebacker Bryan Cox played in Denver, he got a Rocky Mountain high when he was smacked in the head with a can of Coors. If I’m Brian Griese. I’m real nice to No. 55 [Sunday].”

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Trivia answer: Troy Aikman, with 32 against USC in 1988.

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And finally: Reviving some wisdom from the late Casey Stengel on the secret of good managing:

“On any ballclub, 10 guys are gonna like you, 10 guys are gonna hate you and five are gonna be undecided.

“The trick is to keep the undecided guys away from the guys who hate you.”