LAUGH LINES

Foreign Affairs: NATO celebrated its 50th birthday. “Members played that favorite old birthday game--Pin the Missile on the Dictator.” (Daily Scoop)

On the Campaign Trail: Dan Quayle is running for president. “It looks like he’s taking this campaign pretty seriously. I understand both his parents have signed his permission slip.” (Jay Leno)

Business Beat: Mattel is cutting thousands of jobs and closing some plants. “In fact, things have gotten so bad, Barbie’s Dream House is in foreclosure.” (Andrew Wisot)

Evolution, Shmevolution: Recently discovered fossils suggest there may be another branch of the human family tree. “Oh, great--more relatives.” (Daily Scoop)

Evolution II: Researchers have found what they think is the earliest known human. “However, in the event that these remains cannot fulfill their duties, first runner-up Keith Richards will become the new earliest known remains.” (Zack Taylor)

Movie Madness: The final battle scene of the new “Star Wars” installment reportedly cost $20 million. “That’s the most money spent on a fake fight since the Holyfield-Lewis fight.” (Leno)

Baby Blues: Woody Allen and Soon-Yi have a 5-month-old baby girl. “No word yet on what they’re calling the baby. Apparently Woody can’t decide between daughter or granddaughter.” (Steve Voldseth)

Baby Blues II: “That’s OK, because the baby hasn’t decided whether to call Woody Dad or Grandpa.” (Voldseth)

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