Something Got Lost in Translation

After the Berliner Ensemble performed at UCLA, the theatrical group’s members chatted with the audience. At one point, spectator Phil Proctor said, one of them apparently commented in German that the troupe had special parking privileges. Only the translator put it differently, stating that the members were allowed “to park wrong.� Then again, maybe the translator was referring to the UCLA football players.

*

CAN YOU DIG IT? Jules Diamond noticed a job posting by a cemetery that probably could have used a better verb (see accompanying).

*

THE WONDERS OF THE INTERNET: After reading the instructions for a computer service, Jeff Berke wrote, “Thank God they weren’t going to make it hard� (see accompanying).

*

THIS WILL HURT A BIT: With all the complaints about HMOs these days, maybe it wasn’t an accident that a radio broadcaster referred to managed care as “mangled� care.

*

UNFINISHED MELODY: One of the offbeat aspects of the World Cup Saturday was the climactic moment of “The Star Spangled Banner,� as sung by the group Hanson at the Rose Bowl. The moment never arrived. Possibly because a formation of noisy jets flew overhead as the group sang, “O’er the land of the free,� Hanson never intoned, “And the home of the brave.�

Their performance--known in baseball as an incomplete game--thus joined the list of other unconventional renditions of the National Anthem. Let’s stumble down memory lane with. . . .

* Roseanne, who screeched her way through the anthem, then grabbed her crotch, before a baseball game in San Diego (1990).

* Little Richard, who warbled “and the rocket’s red flame,� among other original lyrics before an L.A. Kings game (1989).

* Willie Nelson, who omitted “rocket’s red glare� and other words at the Democratic National Convention (1980).

* Frank Sinatra, who, sounding hoarse, seemed to growl “o’er the land of the free� before a Dodger opener (1977). A taped excerpt of Sinatra’s gravelly interpretation was played often on the wacky radio show of the late sportscaster Jim Healy.

* Robert Goulet, who went blank after, “Oh, say can you see,� at a Muhammad Ali-Sonny Liston championship fight, humming most of the rest of the anthem (1965). He was a good hummer, though.

*

DRESS RIGHT! Talk radio is no stranger to hoaxes. So I’m a bit skeptical about the guy who phoned the show hosted by Mr. KABC--a.k.a. Marc Germain--and said he was a cop and a cross-dresser. Not only that, but he claimed that he was the cop who had recently written Germain a ticket for running a red light in Irwindale.

It seemed unlikely that an officer would allow his voice to be heard on the air. Radio’s sure come a long way since “Dragnet� and Joe Friday, who these days would have to say, “Just the facts, m’am, or sir, or whatever you are.�

Guess we’ll never know whether the caller was for real unless Germain fights the ticket and the cop shows up in court in, uh, civilian dress.

*

GREAT PHILOSOPHERS: When English professor Ann Farmer of Whittier College retired recently, she says, she came across her “all-time favorite incomprehensible sentence from a student essay. Somehow I feel it ought to make sense, but that sense has continued to elude me!�

The student’s gem: “Interactivity has become crucial to realize until it is too late when someone may have died or took to leaving.�

Guess it’s time I took to leaving for the day.

miscelLAny:

Loreen Ayer of L.A. saw an ad for a “good watch dog� that seemed to have impeccable, very 1990s, credentials for that job. The hound was described this way: “Neutered, shoots.�

*

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.