LAUGH LINES

High Crimes and Misdemeanors: A spectator watching the impeachment trial in the Senate last week was arrested after shouting, “Take the vote and get it over with.� “The charges: disruption of Congress and waking Strom Thurmond.� (Jerry Perisho)

High Crimes and Misdemeanors II: “The man was also charged with using common sense in Congress.� (Daily Scoop)

It Figures: President Clinton announced he wants Medicare to cover all prescription drugs. “Somehow you knew the first baby boomer president would wind up proposing free drugs for everybody.� (Argus Hamilton)

Look Out: Tipper Gore is advising her husband, Al, on his run for the White House. “That’s like the blond leading the bland.� (Alan Jay Weiss)

Fur Sure: Residents of Beverly Hills will vote on a measure that would require all fur products sold in the city to carry a label saying how the animal was killed. “If passed, the bill would apply to any product made from animal pelts, including coats, stoles and toupees.� (Ira Lawson)

Expensive Toy: Ross Perot took his company public last week and made $800 million. “According to Forbes, that makes him America’s 68th richest man, or the world’s richest Furby.� (Lawson)

Get Ready: The Lakers have been talking with Dennis Rodman. “And you know what that means? We could be getting a new Laker girl!� (Steve Voldseth)

Get Ready II: “Rodman’s agent says Dennis prefers L.A. because he wants to continue living within 10 miles of his wife, Carmen Electra.� (Leno)

Chips A-Holy: During the pope’s visit to Mexico, a potato chip maker offered baseball cards featuring the pope in each bag. “Isn’t that sack-religious?� (Sheila Winston)

It’s in the Stars: It’s official--Pluto will not lose its planetary status. “However, astronomers are voting on a ‘finding of fact’ that would declare that Pluto really shouldn’t be a planet.� (Daily Scoop)

Roasted: A Dr. Potato Head is debuting this year. “He will be accompanied by HMO Potato Head. You know, the one with all the half-baked ideas.� (Bill Williams)

Cover-Up: Muhammad Ali has been chosen for the 75th anniversary cereal box of Wheaties. “In a related story, the Atlanta Falcons’ Eugene Robinson is gonna be on a box of Trix.� (Jay Leno)

Nothing but Net Profit: In a six-year deal with the Lakers, Kobe Bryant will get $70.8 million. “That comes out to $35.4 million an air ball.� (Patrick Billy)

That’s the Way It Goes: Farrah Fawcett is 52. “The sad news: From now on, she’ll be played by Cheryl Ladd.� (Voldseth)

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