LAUGH LINES

Oh, I Get It Now: Impeachment trial prosecutors want to call Vernon Jordan, Sidney Blumenthal and Monica Lewinsky to testify in the Senate chamber. “The senators said they wanted to call a black, a Jew and a woman just to see what they look like in person.” (Dennis Miller)

Trying Times: The Senate is waiting to review videotaped testimony presented by the House Republican managers. “If the trial goes on much longer, the bad news is President Clinton will not be able to have another sex scandal in this term.” (David Letterman)

In the Long Run: The Senate last week voted against dismissing the charges in the president’s impeachment trial. “Clinton was understandably disappointed. As usual, he was hoping for a quickie.” (Zack Taylor)

Slow Going: Astronomers claim the sun will burn out in 5 billion years. “Know what that means? They’re gonna have to use candles now to finish the impeachment hearings.” (Jay Leno)

Find the Pulse: A Secret Service agent guarding Vice President Al Gore passed out. “Experts aren’t sure why, but they suspect boredom.” (Paul Steinberg)

That Funny Feeling: Dan Quayle says he has the “necessary fire in his belly” to be president. “I know what he means, When I picture him as president, I get the same sensation.” (Steve Voldseth)

Millennium Update: According to a World Bank report, the majority of Third World countries are not technologically prepared for the Y2K glitch. “Fortunately, for most of them, it’s still 1939.” (Voldseth)

A Royal Joke: Princess Diana’s former butler is hitting the lecture circuit. He won’t discuss his former employer, but he will be giving motivational speeches. “What kind of motivational speech does an unemployed butler give anyway? ‘Hang up your own coat. C’mon, I know you can do it.’ ” (Andy Fuller)

Hey, Wake Up!: Keith Richards says he sometimes goes days without sleep. “It seems he’s afraid if he nods off, someone will accidentally bury him.” (Rudolph J. Cecera)

What a Relief: Michael Jackson fractured his wrist. “Doctors say it isn’t serious, and he’ll be up and around and signing settlement checks again in no time.” (Taylor)

Tune In Tomorrow: ABC is moving the set of “Good Morning America” to a ground-level studio like the “Today” show has. “I guess they figure that way at least some people will see it passing by, looking in the window.” (Leno)

Change the Channel: The “Baywatch” production may be moving to Australia. “Apparently it’s cheaper to run in slow motion on Australian beaches.” (Daily Scoop)

The Skinny: According to a new study, the less you eat, the longer you live. “In a related story, Calista Flockhart announced she’s 132.” (Cecera)

Got a joke? Send it to Laugh Lines by fax, (213) 237-0732, or mail, Southern California Living, Los Angeles Times, Times Mirror Square, Los Angeles, CA 90053.