LAUGH LINES

“Star� Struck: According to Variety, two-thirds of the audience at a screening of “The Siege� in Los Angeles walked out after seeing the trailer for the new “Star Wars� film. “Ushers said they hadn’t seen anything like that since ‘The Avengers’ came out.� (Andrew Wisot)

Speaking of Movies: We now have animated films about ants and bugs, and DreamWorks is about to release “Prince of Egypt,� about a plague of insects. “Amazing. Who could have predicted that in 1998, Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio would get second billing to the Orkin Man?� (Kenny Noble Cortes)

Holiday Woes: Storekeepers in Great Britain are having a hard time finding fat men to play Santa for the holidays. “That’s because getting fat in England requires eating the food.� (Premiere Radio)

Holiday Woes, Part II: Toys R Us has lost $47 million in the third quarter. “In fact, I believe they’re changing the name of the company to ‘God Help Us.’ � (Wisot)

Expanding: The Banana Republic chain is going to open stores catering to large-sized people. “I hear they’re calling it ‘Banana Split Republic.’ � (Jay Leno)

Contracting: Newt Gingrich reportedly has told friends that he just wants to go someplace where no one will bother him and he can be alone. “So I think he’s going to be hosting ‘Good Morning America.’ � (Leno)

Speaking of Newt: “At the peak of Gingrich’s popularity, friends considered lobbying to have his head sculpted on Mt. Rushmore but decided the mountain wasn’t big enough.� (Stan Kaplan)

Situation Vacant: An upcoming hip-hop show at the Los Angeles Sports Arena will be dedicated to slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. “Applications for security positions are still available.� (Alex Kaseberg)

And Speaking of Rappers: After reading comments published in a magazine, rap artist Puff Daddy’s producer “D-Dot� was arrested for beating up the magazine’s editor. “ ‘D-Dot’ pleaded innocent, saying, ‘Hey, c’mon, we weren’t beating him up. We were just remixing his face.’ � (Conan O’Brien)

A Big Heist: A department store in Minnesota is trying to catch a woman who has stolen more than $1,000 dollars worth of size 44-D bras. “Police are looking for the woman, as is every other guy in town.� (O’Brien)

How the Rest Rest: According to a new survey, 33% of people sleep on their right side, 26% sleep on their left side. “The remainder don’t know because, well, they are sleeping at the time.� (Premiere)

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