Scandal Sauces 113th Gridiron: Anything Goes

WASHINGTON — President Clinton stood before a crowd of media and political elite Saturday night to make light of the controversies swirling around him.

“Please withhold subpoenas until all the jokes are told,” Clinton quipped.

The white-tie audience at the 113th annual Gridiron Club Dinner erupted in laughter and Clinton was on his way toward delivering a tongue-in-cheek monologue that never mentioned any scandal specifically.

At one point he read off a list of jokes his attorneys had approved for the evening, including:

“Knock-knock: Don’t answer that.”

He said his lawyers told him he could not mention Whitewater independent counsel Kenneth W. Starr, only some others with Star-like names: “Brenda, Bart and Ringo.”

White House Chief of Staff Erkine Bowles preceded Clinton to the podium, thanking a long list of dignitaries, along with the “ladies and gentlemen of the grand jury.”

As usual, the night’s staple was a rash of skits put on by reporters roasting the officials they cover.

But this year, many of the gibes, japes and sharp elbows were being directed at the Fourth Estate over the way they have covered the stories of former intern Monica S. Lewinsky and ex-Arkansan Paula Corbin Jones, who has accused Clinton of sexual harassment.

As the song says, in love and in the selling of newspapers, “Anything Goes.”

“It’s very chic today, to print a leak today, we feel we must today, cover lust today, and a crime today, will seem sublime today, on many T-V shows.”

Conclusion: “So when reporting stuff salacious, and even outright fallacious, just hold your nose. Anything goes. . . .”

And the chorus: “Push it! Shove it! God, how we love it--wallowing deep in muck and slime. Lurid tales? We’re not above it. Sex sells papers ev’ry time.”

A pretend George Stephanopoulos, the former White House aide turned TV commentator, gave advice to White House intern recruits on how not to behave in front of the president: “Don’t blow a kiss at him, don’t do that lovesick mope, don’t pant for him on the rope. . . . Ken Starr is suspecting things, people will say you’re in love.”