Welcome to Orange County

* The choice of Lincoln Mercury to move its headquarters to Orange County is certainly another feather for all, especially the builders and tax assessors at the county cash register (Feb. 22).

Pray the workers coming here know to leave the following items in the Motor City: firearms, cigarettes, lawn care equipment, snow shoes, sleds, snowmobiles, all items now stored in basements and three-digit mortgage payments.

We will make every effort to squeeze them onto our gridlocked freeways, choked surface streets and into $180,000, 650-square-foot condos.

They will no doubt enjoy our traffic from hell, bottled water status, English as a second language, freeway competition target practice and never-ending, countries-of-the-world, year-round cultural holidays.

They can still root for the NFL Detroit Lions and NBA Pistons, as no California resident would ever support any California teams anyway.

Enjoy the early morning weekend wake-up calls of the cacophony of neighborhood leaf blowers. And, no bother about voter registration; anyone can vote here, as many times as they wish. The Orange County Grand Jury is not bothered; why should we be?

Fabulous night life and entertainment is only hours away, in Las Vegas, and take the kids too. It’s become a sort of Disneyland, one-arm bandit for the Brady Bunch. Oh, and the Rose Parade is on multiple channels here, as there are no spaces to stand in Pasadena. Enjoy!

MAX ST. YVES

Newport Beach