Monkey-Sitters Are Hard to Come by

A few charter members of the new Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific regrettably turned down offers to attend preview showings of the big fish house--including one woman who had an unusual reason.

“She wanted to bring her pet monkey and we said we can’t allow you to bring it in,� said aquarium spokeswoman Michele Nachum. “She said, ‘Well, if I can’t find a sitter, I can’t come.’ �

NO-FREE-LUNCHES DEPT.: Nachum also wished to remind other owners of, uh, pets that no animals are allowed inside to observe the sea creatures.

“Including cats, of course,� she said.

THE OTHER SHOE FINALLY DROPS: Only in L.A.’s universe has been out of whack ever since a photo was published here advertising one shoe for sale. My thanks then to John Mayer of North Hollywood who restored some balance by finding a store that sells an extra piece of footwear (see photos).

DO THEY FIX LUNCH, TOO? Nancy Vandermey of Altadena came across a flier with a discount offer on her doorstep that caused her to comment: “How nice of them to pay me for working on my house� (see accompanying).

GUFFAWING POSTAL: Leroy Rodenberg of Downey received a letter that was marked, “Rush to Addressee . . . Extremely Important . . . Rush Priority . . . Express Letter.�

Well, perhaps it didn’t have all that much rush priority. As Rodenberg pointed out, it “was mailed bulk rate.�

FOR THE BIRDS: “For a long time, I was awakened around 3 in the morning by the sound of a car alarm,� wrote Nancy Zeavin of Altadena. “After investigating, I discovered it was a mockingbird who had decided to nest in the tree outside my bedroom window. There is a reason they call them mockingbirds. I already checked . . . they are a protected species. It would be nice to know how long they live, though. I already know that they keep coming back to their old nests year after year after year. I don’t know which is worse, the mockingbirds or the skunk family under my house.�

Well, it could be worse--if, for instance, the skunks decided to retaliate against the birds outside her window. . . .

500 SUITS ON THE TOWN: A while back I asked Jack Murphy of the National C.B. Handle Registry for some tall tales that truckers exchange on the road. He told me this one:

A trucker delivering 500 penguins to the L.A. Zoo broke down in the desert. He flagged a truck with an empty trailer and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the zoo.

The next day, the first driver arrived in L.A. and what should he see but the other trucker, crossing a busy boulevard with the 500 penguins walking in single file behind him. The first driver ran over and asked, “What’s going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!�

The other trucker responded, “I did take them to the zoo. But I had a lot of money left over. So now we’re going to see a movie.�

miscelLAny:

Here’s confirmation of what you’ve always suspected about people that you can never reach by phone. Bonnie Moura of Glendale sent along an ad for a 24-hour “lie� answering service.

Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.