TEN SIGNS THE GOLD IS GOING ELSEWHERE

The competition in the Winter Games is as intense as it gets but, obviously, not everyone takes it as seriously as the athletes.

One of those taking a lighter approach, not surprisingly, is David Letterman, who takes very little seriously.

Here, then, are his “Late Show” top-10 signs you’re not going to win a gold medal:

10. You’re the only speedskater sponsored by Prozac.

9. You break both ankles while lacing up your skates.

8. While others “Go for the gold!” you go for the free buffet.

7. You’ve got as much chance of passing the drug test as Robert Downey Jr.

6. Triple lutz? No. Triple bypass? Yes!

5. Your bobsled is crammed with carry-on luggage.

4. McDonald’s manager says, “Sorry, Ms. Harding, you can’t have the week off.”

3. Before your event you stay at a karaoke bar till 4 a.m., singing “Afternoon Delight.”

2. There’s no Olympic event for ski-jumping dogs.

1. Your ice-dancing partner is inflatable.