A Medical Joke That’s a Bit Insane
The story here about the unlucky thief who took a juice bottle containing a urine sample reminded John Nash of Sylmar of a practical joke played by onetime L.A. Dodger Jay Johnstone. In Johnstone’s book “Temporary Insanity,” the ballplayer related how he was asked to provide a urine sample for a team physical but filled the bottle with apple juice, instead.
When he handed it to the nurse, she commented, “The color of that is not good.” Whereupon Johnstone took it back from her and said, “Well, let’s pass it back through and see if it gets better,” and gulped down the liquid to her horror.
*
STAMPING OUT ROAD RAGE (CONT).: After a letter writer to Avenues, the Auto Club magazine, spoke of the need for a universal hand signal of apology on roadways, your public service-minded column went to work collecting suggestions. Here are the latest submissions, in honor of Ride Share Week.
Jack Davis of San Marino suggests an “I’m sorry” gesture in which the driver would “hold the hand vertical with the palm facing forward (and) waggle the hand from side to side at the wrist. This is the Rose Queen Wave.” (see photos)
Ruth Nussbaum of Sherman Oaks, in contrast, says, “I put my left hand on my left cheek or over my mouth, expressing embarrassment.” I think such a gesture would be even more effective if it involved both hands, a la comic Jack Benny (the steering wheel be darned).
Finally, Pamela Chilton of Rancho Mirage votes for the Hawaiian ‘Shaka’ sign. “We use it extensively in Hawaii as a sign of good will and good feeling.”
Chilton adds: “p.s.: It is not to be confused with the ‘Hook ‘Em Horns’ sign of the University of Texas.”
Actually, there are some motorists I would like to have gored. Oops, got to control that old road rage. . . .
*
MALIBU’S TRANSIENTS HAVE THEIR STANDARDS: Jim Lyons saw a story in the Malibu Times about a transient who was arrested after allegedly shoplifting liquor, cheese, crackers--and mouthwash. I wonder if it’s the same transient who reported several months ago that his sleeping bag was stolen, along with his golf club and golf balls.
*
PHONE MESSAGE OF THE WEEK TO ONLY IN L.A. HQ: “Hi. My name is Isabel and I’m a comedic cat behaviorist. In fact, I’m the only comedic cat behaviorist in the United States. I’m the author of the book ‘My Litter Box Was Dirty So I Left You a Present in Your Shoe. ‘ “
*
WORKFARE, 1920s STYLE: Attitudes toward welfare, as you might expect, were tougher in the old days.
Bill Wise notes that the 1925 L.A. County Annual Report stated that an “acute” unemployment situation “was met” with the help of “the Charities Department, the city of Los Angeles and the Los Angeles Welfare Federation. A work test was devised which enabled every able-bodied man out of work to find himself a job, and also enabled the authorities to apply the test to determine whether those persons seeking aid were genuinely in search of work.”
The report added: “Those who were unwilling to work were immediately arrested for vagrancy or they left the city.”
*
SOUNDS LIKE . . . : A discussion here about misspellings of city names prompted Helen Playfair of Woodland Hills to recall when her husband was transferred by an oil company to Libya. Before the family moved, Playfair phoned the telephone company to have service discontinued. The Bell rep insisted on a forwarding address, though Playfair tried to explain that she was moving “way, way out of Bell territory. . . . So I gave her the oil company’s box number in Tripoli. She sent a confirmation, showing my new address in EEE. Perfectly phonetic: Triple E!”
miscelLAny:
Leon Callaway saw an ad in a local newspaper for a “yellular” phone. Think of the advantages--it requires no batteries and works as long as your voice holds out.
*
Steve Harvey can be reached by phone at (213) 237-7083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.
