Make Trillions of Dollars in Just 3 Years! Guaranteed . . . Sort Of

Why settle on being rich when you can own the entire world?

That thought occurred to me as I read an investment offer sent by a thoughtful reader. According to the letter from the Quantum Group, a “Private Investment Group with holdings in Transportation, Real Estate, Banks, Insurance, Sports Agencies and Brokerage Firms,� I could participate in a “Unique Investment Program specifically designed to return Nine Hundred Percent for each dollar invested in 90 days.�

Yes, you read that right: 900% in 90 days.

As they carefully pointed out, an original investment of $10,000 would accumulate a profit of $90,000 during the investment period, and $100,000 would be cheerfully returned to the investor. They could do this because “All of our Brokers, Traders and Bankers are part of a ‘Special Group’ that knows the ‘INSIDE’ workings of the banking and security markets.�

Not only that, the investment was guaranteed. “All investments are Insured by a Triple A (AAA) rated Insurance Company.�

Now I ask you, is this a great country, or what? The Big Guys are going to let us little guys in on their secrets. We too will be able to earn 900% on our money, every three months, the way they do all the time.

In case the size of this opportunity has escaped you, please consider the “Scott Burns Plan for How Absolutely Anyone Can Own the Entire World in Less Than Three Years.�

First, open your mailbox and withdraw the latest offer of a bank credit card with a large line of credit. This is a matter of faith, like “Field of Dreams.� Plant a mailbox in your front yard and wait for the credit offers. They will come. In my family, the latest opportunity was the simultaneous arrival of two offers for $10,000 credit lines--both from First USA and at a low introductory interest rate.

Next, exercise your entire credit line and send the proceeds to the aforementioned investment firm.

Third, watch your money grow. That’s the whole plan. You would have $100,000 in three months, guaranteed. More than enough to repay First USA.

But why bother?

You would have a cool $1 million in six months, $10 million in nine months and $100 million in a year. You know, with an investment like this, it isn’t long before you’re talking about real money.

In fact, sometime during the sixth quarter, your investment would be enough to buy First USA--if Bank One hadn’t bought it first.

In the eighth quarter, that original stake would be enough to buy General Electric, Coca-Cola, Exxon, Microsoft, Intel or Merck, and by the end of the period, you could own all six of them.

But why stop there?

In only three more months, you’d have $10 trillion, enough to buy the 3,000 largest U.S. publicly held companies and still have $1.4 trillion in spare change.

But why stop there?

With a mere three additional months, you’d have $100 trillion, enough to own every publicly held company in the entire world. And you’d still have enough to pay off the national debt. But none of these figures take income taxes into account, so it might take an additional three to six months before you owned the world.

Which brings us back to the Quantum Group in Coppell, Texas.

With returns like this, you would think that the Quantum Group would have pretty nice offices. You can imagine our disappointment when we drove to MacArthur Boulevard in Coppell and found that “Suite 105-141� was a franchised private-mailbox store.

And the Quantum Group didn’t answer its phone when we called.

“Do you get much activity on box 141?� I asked the owner of this particular private-mailbox store.

“I’d rather not say,� he responded.

“I get the feeling we’re not the first people to ask.�

“No, you’re not,� he said.

“Like people in uniforms?�

“No, more like ‘The X-Files,’ � he said cryptically. The owner clearly had received more than enough visitors over box 141.

What’s the bottom line here?

If an offer sounds too good to be true, it is.