At least there’d be no more two-hour...

At least there’d be no more two-hour pregame shows:

One of the odder commercials during Sunday’s Dallas-Pittsburgh game warned, “Enjoy the Super Bowl. It may be your last.”

It was an ad for the movie, “Independence Day,” which opens July 4 and depicts an attack by space aliens on L.A. and other cities around the world.

We suspect the invaders would be underdogs against the Dallas Cowboys.

FOOTBALL AS A METAPHOR: Then there was the weekend event at one L.A. church that tackled an important issue. It’s just that the title struck us as a bit lacking in sensitivity--”Kick Your Football, Not Your Woman on Super Bowl Sunday.”

SOME SUPER ADVICE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE: While driving on the Ventura Freeway, we spotted a Woodland Hills business with a name that hints at a solution for the personal financial problems of Bill and Hillary Clinton.

AERIAL ADVISORY: Steve Shore of L.A. came across a poster that said: “Pet Pigeon Missing. His name is Peeper. He likes people and will land on your shoulder.”

As long as nothing else of Pepper’s lands on your shoulder.

STRANGEST DROP-OFF POINT IN L.A.: To call attention to the Southern California Boat Show (Feb. 3-11), publicist Al Franken has put out a call for “the toughest boat in town”--which will be dropped from the top of the L.A. Convention Center Friday at “High Noon.”

Franken has been hatching gimmicks like this during more than four decades of promoting boat shows, track meets and other events. Some other stunts he has choreographed:

* The demolishing of a closed hamburger joint by shot-putters.

* A 50-yard shopping cart race for women at a Coliseum track meet, with the winner entitled to five minutes of free shopping at the supermarket of one of the event’s sponsors.

* A USC long jumper attempting to clear a parked car. (H made it.)

* A long-distance champion from Kenya racing a San Francisco cable car. (The city’s hills finally wore out the runner.)

* And, finally, the matchup of a champion Frisbee-catching dog against track star Dwight Stones in the high jump. Stones won because the hound failed to clear any heights. When the animal’s handler threw the Frisbee over the bar, the dog ran underneath it to make the catch.

“The dog wasn’t stupid,” Franken observed.

CLOTHES DON’T MAKE THE MEN: We mentioned Henk Friezer, the photographer who collects food for the homeless. He told us another story--about the time he came upon two men in “really tattered clothes” in downtown L.A.

Friezer offered them some food. The men turned him down. Friezer persisted, knowing that people are sometimes suspicious about a handout.

Finally, one of the men said, “Look, you’re going to have to leave. We’re on a stakeout.”

miscelLAny:

Jeff Bliss notes that the Sports Arena, often derided as an outmoded facility, had a major role in the disaster flick, “Soylent Green,” set in the year 2022 when the world is running out of food. The Sports Arena played the part of the Assisted Suicide Center.