A Classic Brick-fest at Pond

Maybe something got lost in the translation over the years, but John Wooden never said his Pyramid of Success was built with bricks.

Purdue University, proud to hail itself as Alma Mater Of The Wizard, opened Saturday’s second Wooden Classic by missing 43 of 65 field-goal attempts, including 19 of 21 three-point attempts, and managing all of seven assists during 40 minutes of heavy breathing on the frozen hardwood at The Pond.

Gene Keady, the Boilermaker head coach, said he was “embarrassed” to play in such a manner “in front of Coach Wooden” and called his team’s performance “a damn shame” and promptly assessed Purdue’s effort in a 67-50 loss to Villanova to be “the worst thing about the Classic.”

But Keady spoke too soon.

Still to come was UCLA-Maryland, in which the Bruins committed 29 turnovers and won going away, 73-63.

This is because Maryland:

a) Shot 23.1% from the field in the first half.

b) Shot 26.3% from the field in the second half.

c) Shot 23.8% from three-point range.

d) Was credited with three--repeat: three --assists for the entire game.

Keady said his Boilermakers “stunk up the place,” but they shot 27.7% from the field. Maryland shot 24.7%.

So what did Gary Williams’ Terrapins do to the place?

Tear-gas it?

Fire-bomb it?

Condemn it?

And if they did, where do the Ducks play the Edmonton Oilers tonight?

The final stat sheets were incredible, ludicrous, ridiculous. Williams unfolded the one he had wadded up inside his coat pocket, blinked at it for several seconds and was asked how it is possible for a college basketball team--a top 20 basketball team, one with many players on full scholarship--could play 40 minutes and finish with a grand total of three assists.

“We didn’t pass the ball very well, I guess,” was the best response Williams could muster.

UCLA Coach Jim Harrick had another theory.

“They couldn’t make any baskets,” Harrick observed.

The logic was irrefutable.

“To make baskets,” Harrick continued, “you got to finish the play.”

Assists come hard when your starting front line finishes the day 4 for 31 and the player you call your “shooting guard” goes 3 for 15.

“We’ve got to get into the gym,” Williams decided, “and shoot the ball.”

Ideally at the round orange thing sometimes referred to as “the hoop.”

The side of the backboard, the large water container in the corner and the lap of any paying customer do not count.

Ticket prices for Saturday’s doubleheader ranged from $22 in the nosebleeds to $150 for courtside. Suppose you had the money to burn. For $150, you could have treated yourself, very nearly, to Buck-A-Brick Day. (The four teams combined to miss 160 shots.) You also would have paid $3.19 per clanked three-pointer. (The field combined to miss 47 of 59 tries).

Or, just consider the losers.

Together, Maryland and Purdue missed 105 of 142 shots--26.1% from the field.

They also teamed to miss 35 of 42 three-point tries--16.7%.

Keady took these numbers much harder than Williams did.

“I told [Villanova Coach] Steve Lappas it’s a damn shame--we played so bad, they played bad,” Keady said. “The games are supposed to be best thing of the Classic. But the banquet was great, the people were great, L.A. was great--and we stunk up the place. Like, why did we even come? If it was up to me, I would never ask us back.”

Keady said his team “shot the ball like we’d never shot a shot before. That’s tough for me to accept.” He claimed he couldn’t remember being “in a game like this, where where a team just toyed with us. I felt like they could have won by 40 . . .

“Maybe Memphis State in 1984, when they kicked the hell out of us, comes close to this. We shot 29% that time. That was when Memphis had Keith Lee and they played us in the tournament on their home court. I can’t remember another one. Maybe you guys can dig up something, but I can’t remember.”

Keady was right; the dreadful play of the losers was contagious. Villanova won by 17 points while shooting 38.5% in the second half and committing 16 turnovers. As for UCLA, Harrick said it all, and he said it eloquently:

“You win a game and make 29 turnovers--holy Toledo!”

So many bad shots were launched that, eventually, the shot clock rebelled, shutting down entirely five minutes into the UCLA-Maryland game. Play was halted for nearly 10 minutes while technicians were summoned to re-wire the system, oblivious to the important message the shot clock was attempting to convey:

Stop them before they shoot again.

A few minutes later, in the midst of a frantic run of Terrapin turnovers, Williams watched his team execute a perfect over-and-back play. As the ball bounded across the half court line toward the UCLA basket, Williams stepped onto the court and snatched up the loose ball before one of his players could touch it.

Enough is enough, Williams seemed to be saying, although, unfortunately, both teams proceeded to play the remaining 32 minutes until the final buzzer.

Keady could have been speaking for all involved when he apologized for playing this way in front of Wooden, at an event named after the winningest coach in the history of NCAA basketball, “because this is not the way he played.”

The best thing about this Wooden Classic?

There is no consolation game.