LAUGH LINES

In the news: Jay Leno, on President Clinton’s three-week vacation in Wyoming: “Clinton says he also plans to visit Yellowstone Park. This will be historical: Old Faithful getting together with Old Unfaithful.”

* Adds comic Argus Hamilton: “A hundred years ago, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid hid out in Wyoming. Bank robbers didn’t have friendly governors then, so they had to use a gun.”

Cutler Daily Scoop, on donations slowing to the Clinton Legal Fund: “Once they saw the naked photos of Paula Jones in Penthouse, folks said, ‘I’ll be damned if I’ll be paying for that.’ ”

Comic Jenny Church, on some companies adopting “cafeteria” plans, which allow employees to choose their benefits: “Actually, many firms are like cafeterias. The boss is a wienie, middle management is chicken, the bread isn’t good, and there’s no entree for women and minorities.”

Hamilton, on the ABA saying unethical lawyers are now an epidemic: “It’s an outbreak in L.A. Some are breeding with agents and producing a strain that could wipe out civilization.”

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The Happiest Place on Earth . . . Super-agent Michael Ovitz joins his pal Michael Eisner at Disney:

* “When his appointment was approved, Ovitz called Eisner and thanked him from the bottom of where his heart used to be before he became an agent.” (Bob Mills)

* “Both men will be easily approachable. Just lay down the red carpet and kneel.” (Alex Pearlstein)

* “This is a real breakthrough for Ovitz’s clients at CAA. At least now they’ll know why he’s not returning their calls.” (Mills)

* “About the only person in the industry now with more power than these two guys is the director of admissions at Betty Ford.” (Cutler)

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Cirque du O.J.: “Dist. Atty. Gil Garcetti denies he’s tap-dancing around the Mark Fuhrman tapes, but he was accompanied to the news conference by Gregory Hines.” (Tony Peyser)

* “The Fuhrman tapes supposedly contain him saying the ‘N-word’ 27 times. Or the equivalent of about three minutes of an old Richard Pryor record.” (Cutler)

* “Fuhrman also allegedly makes disparaging remarks about a police supervisor who just happens to be Judge Ito’s wife. We watched Carl Douglas fall on his sword. Maybe now we’ll see Fuhrman fall on his lance.” (Peyser)

* “The Simpson trial continues to impact life outside the courtroom. More than 100 Chinese restaurants have reported customers requesting food without EDTA.” (Brad Halpern)

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Four years ago, L.A. reader Abbie Crow Rich and her family spent a week at Lake Arrowhead. After eating dinner one night in a restaurant, her husband asked a waiter for the check. Daughter Kit, then 8, gave her dad a look of total amazement and asked:

“You mean they pay you to eat here?”