1995 / 77th PGA RIVIERA : THE BACK NINE

A look at golf’s backside, the stories you were never meant to see.

COOLEST TICKET IN TOWN

The PGA Championship may be an artistic success, but it’s struggling with the ticket-buying public. To find the experts in this field, you have to go to the streets. Actually, you only have to go to Capri, the street that leads to the Riviera clubhouse.

There, in faded green T-shirt with a cellular phone clipped to his belt, was a scalper. Once you convince them you are not from a law enforcement agency, they are actually pretty nice people.

The scalper, who, not surprisingly, asked that his name not be used, said he was buying extra tickets from fans for $10 or “$15 at the most,” and selling them anywhere from $20 to $40. The tickets retail for $50.

“There are just no buyers for this one,” he said. “But you tell everyone to come out for the weekend and they’ll get all the tickets they want for $30 or $40.”

FROM WALLET TO GULLET

Spectators willing to pay a few extra bucks get to go into a giant food tent called the Wanamaker Club, which undoubtedly stands for the sellers saying “I Wanner-Make a lot of money.”

The second floor contains a giant bar with the ground floor an array of five fast-food joints.

A survey at each of the stores found the best- and worst-selling items at each store. In the vain hope of keeping you interested, we’ll present it in quiz form.

California Pizza Kitchen ($2 a slice): a) BBQ chicken, b) Thai chicken, c) Fresh tomato.

Subway ($4.25 for a six-inch sub): a) Combo, b) Turkey, c) Light Tuna, d) Spicy Italian.

Naked Foods (salads for $4.75): a) BBQ-style chicken, b) Caesar salad with garlic chicken, c) Chinese chicken, d) Steamed vegetables and rice.

Mrs. Fields Cookies ($1.50): a) White chocolate with macadamia nuts, b) Chocolate chip, c) Chocolate chip with nuts, d) Oatmeal.

The winners and losers: Pizza (best seller: a; worst seller: c); Subs (b, d); Salads (c, d); Cookies (b, d).

But wait, you say that’s only four of the five fast-food places. This leads us to . . .

PRICE GOUGE, PART II

In N Out. That’s what a price gouge is all about. For starters, the chain that offers service and whatever you want on your burger says there will be no substitutions on your double-double at Riviera. They won’t even let you substitute a different kind of burger; it’s a double-double or out the door, buddy.

The servers must then sneak the burgers from behind a plastic shield where they are allegedly being cooked, not microwaved. The burgers come with cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle and secret sauce (thousand island dressing, the ingredient of all secret sauces.)

Now how about some fries? Nope. No deal. It’s burger or nothing.

The cost: $4.25. Cost on the streets of Los Angeles: $2.30 (not including tax.)

ALERT! A BARGAIN AT RIVIERA

There is one thing that hasn’t been marked up at the course, and that’s the price of a stamp. The Pacific Palisades Post Office (which features PPPO P.O. Boxes at the home office) has set up a mobile station that is doing phenomenal business. And you don’t have to wait in line.

The mobile post office has all the regular services including overseas mail, which is accounting for a lot of the business.

“We’re offering free packaging and we don’t mark anything up,” said Elizabeth Stempson, the acting postmaster. “It’s also the only place you can get something shipped to and delivered on Sunday.”

Stempson expects to sell 5,000 specially postmarked envelopes and stamps during the week.

PUTTING ON THE FEEDBAG

As part of its hospitality, the PGA has chosen to feed the 800 members of the media (200 of them international) three meals a day while they are here covering the tournament.

In the fine tradition of Jim Healy, the late L.A. broadcaster who monitored the eating habits of the press, the following observations are made public.

“Oh, we’ve got some pigs in this country,” said a food monitor who wanted to be identified as Jerry, he says in honor of the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia. “There’s this one American photographer who has piled his plate at least twice for every one of the meals.”

The international media are really no different from the home press.

“The Australian and New Zealand writers really go after the beer when that comes out,” Jerry said. “They’ll grab three at a time. But we don’t care, that’s what it’s there for.

“There are a couple of Scottish journalists who keep going back for more and more desserts. But overall, everyone has been real polite.”