The chase is onBill Kolender, a San...

The chase is on

Bill Kolender, a San Diego County sheriff’s deputy, was asked by San Diego magazine why the nation should look to that city for leadership in law enforcement, rather than to Los Angeles. “Our guys proved they could stop a tank,” Kolender responded, referring to a recent armored vehicle chase. “Their guys couldn’t stop a Ford Bronco.”

IT ALL ADDS UP: You remember those notices the California Society of Certified Public Accountants sent to its members, listing amounts due of $50 plus $10, for a total of . . . $70?

We figured the group had a broken calculator until we heard from George Savage, who enclosed the CPA society’s dues notice for corporate members. It listed amounts due of $160 plus $20 for a total of . . . $190.

Suddenly, we understood. The $10 rake-off isn’t a mistake. The CPA society’s dues drive is obviously being handled by Ticketmaster.

GRIM POSTSCRIPT: A local radio personality who goes by the name of Mr. KFI recalled how he had an in-studio interview with Wolfman Jack a few days before the deejay/actor died of a heart attack.

Wolfman, who was a heavy puffer, was alarmed to learn that smoking was forbidden inside KFI’s building. He begged Mr. KFI to allow him to light up. And Mr. KFI let Wolfman smoke four cigarettes during the interview.

THE DEVIL, THEY SAY: “RESIST SATAN,” scream curious new billboards for L.A. Cellular. We thought that was pretty strong language to describe its rival, Air Touch.

But once we contacted an L.A. Cellular spokesman by phone--it took two days--we learned that the campaign is actually urging motorists “not to listen to that little devil on your shoulder that urges you to speed to get somewhere on time. Phone ahead.”

Fine. The only thing is, we’ve noticed that people making cellular calls on the freeway can’t resist that other devil on their shoulder that makes them unconsciously slow down to 45 m.p.h.

DON’T BANK ON THIS CARD: “Here’s a credit card the whole town can enjoy!” writes Elizabeth Calciano. Actually, it was an advertising flyer sent to Calciano. The sample card was supposed to bear her name but the computer stamped out “La C Flintridge” for reasons known only to computers.

What Calciano finds a bit worrisome, though, is that mailing lists multiply. “Am I in danger of receiving [La CanadaFlintridge’s] junk mail at my home address?” she asks. “And the city’s bills?”

Well, it could be worse. The card could bear the name “Orange County.”

CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE: While strolling on the Santa Monica Pier we noticed a sign that raises deep philosophical questions. Must have been placed by the Zen Fish and Game Department.

ANAGRAM OF THE DAY: No sooner did we report that there are two Jesus Christs listed as voters in Santa Monica than we received this deconstruction from Patricia Danforth:

SANTA MONICA=SATANIC MOAN.

miscelLAny “I find it interesting,” writes David Jones, “that ONLY IN LA is an anagram for I’LL ANNOY.” Our problem is we can’t resist satanic moans.