They Make the Clippers Look Good

Jay Greenberg in the New York Post on the New Jersey Nets, who failed to make the NBA playoffs:

“The Nets are just so easy to rip. They are, without question, the most under-achieving and selfish collection of misfits ever put on one NBA team.

“They refuse to play hard, openly criticize each other and blatantly disregard their well-meaning-but-ineffectual coach (Butch Beard).

“The Nets are a daily cartoon strip that parodies the overpaid and overly indulged modern athlete.”

Is that all, Jay?

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Trivia time: Who was the Raiders’ first draft choice in 1982 after they moved from Oakland to Los Angeles?

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Bonds’ legacy: Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder Al Martin told John Steigerwald of KDKA radio in Pittsburgh the players knew they had “done a lot of damage to baseball over the winter” and would try to mend fences with the fans.

“It’s easy to be nice,” Martin said. “You have to work hard to be an idiot.”

Steigerwald’s comment when the interview was over: “Martin, you’ll remember, replaced Barry Bonds, and nobody ever worked harder at being an idiot.”

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Easy access: After San Francisco Mayor Frank Jordan presented retired quarterback Joe Montana the key to the city, Montana said: “Now that I have this key, better lock your doors.”

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Oops, sorry: Boston Red Sox pitcher Roger Clemens on pitching batting practice to old nemesis and new teammate Jose Canseco:

“I threw the first couple of balls under his arms. You just can’t break old habits.”

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Odd couple: Gary Shelton in the St. Petersburg Times: “Not to say he makes bad decisions, but any day now look for Mike Tyson to rent a room to Kato Kaelin.”

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He’s no Dr. J: Some in the Philadelphia media have dropped the J. from 76er rookie B.J. Tyler’s name. Why? “Because,” one writer said, “he has no J (jump shot).”

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Show time: After John Starks of the New York Knicks recently became the first NBA player to make 200 three-point baskets in a season, Coach Pat Riley wasn’t overly impressed, saying: “There are nights when you really like that shot, but I don’t know about two or three dribbles between his legs and then stepping back.”

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Ouch! Comedian Billy Crystal, discussing sports memorabilia on HBO’s “Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel”: I bought this very rare item--a tax form signed by Darryl Strawberry. That’s the hottest thing out there now.”

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Trivia answer: Marcus Allen.

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Quotebook: Detroit Tiger Manager Sparky Anderson on former Tiger pitcher Jack Morris, who retired Tuesday after 17 years in the big leagues: “He had no fears. I don’t know if it was no sense or no fear, but he never worried about nothin’.”