Planning a Vacation From Vacation

The Palm Springs hotel was beautiful, the weather perfect. We couldn’t have picked a nicer spot to celebrate our anniversary. There was only one problem--the kids.

As we drove up, they were busy hurling insults and peanuts at each other in the back seat. Of course we hadn’t planned a romantic interlude with the kids in tow (though I had splurged on a second room). We were simply trying to squeeze some family time onto the end of a work trip.

Wistfully, I thought about how nice a romantic anniversary dinner would be. Then I got hit on the back of the head with a peanut. It had been a long day of driving for everyone. I was desperate for a break--my husband more so. I felt guilty for wanting one.

“Parents shouldn’t feel guilty. The kids want to get away from you too,” said Dr. Jeff Fireman, a suburban Los Angeles pediatrician and the father of two.

Northwestern University psychologist and marital counselor Karen Abram, Ph.D., adds that it’s important for kids to see that their parents’ lives are more than just being mom and dad.

Abram cites research showing that children’s happiness is directly impacted by how well their parents get along.

Some families I know bring a baby-sitter along on vacation. (A teen-age cousin may be only too glad to oblige.)

But there are other, cheaper alternatives. Tricia Gallagher’s family vacations with relatives on the New Jersey shore not far from her suburban Philadelphia home. Gallagher, the mother of four and author of “Raising Happy Kids on a Reasonable Budget” (Better Way Books, $10.95), said, “That way there’s always somebody around to watch the kids.”

Make sure to budget for your time alone. Remember that it likely will cost more to get child-care away from home. “Think of it as part of being on vacation--like room service,” Fireman suggested.

That doesn’t necessarily mean a luxury resort with morning-until-night kids’ activities. Many destinations that are a lot easier on the wallet--family camps, for example--frequently offer some activities for children--enough so that you and your spouse can sneak in a couple of hours alone together, noted Sutherland, co-author of “The Best Bargain Family Vacations in the U.S.A.” (St. Martin’s Press, $13.95). Ask about what is available when you make your reservations.

Take a morning walk together if that’s when the kids are busy, Sutherland suggested. Make a date for lunch instead of dinner. The point is to do something together--not just bury your face in a book on the beach.

As for our anniversary, it couldn’t have been nicer. Really.

When we arrived at the Hyatt Grand Champions outside of Palm Springs, we discovered that Camp Hyatt, the hotel chain’s activities program for kids, was in full swing. The kids were as happy at the prospect of video games, crafts and movies, as we were of a relaxing meal (especially when we promised them a late-night swim afterward).

The solitude didn’t come cheap: $12 an hour for the three of them, plus $5 each for their dinners. But the thought of being beaned with a peanut at dinner put that out of my mind.

Taking the Kids appears the first and third week of every month.