Apparently, They Couldn’t Reach Uecker

Joe Garagiola was the speaker at a recent Western Regional meeting of the Associated Press Sports Editors in Phoenix. He was pinch-hitting for Heather Farr, the LPGA golfer who remains under treatment for cancer.

Quipped Garagiola, a lifetime .257 hitter: “This is a historic event. When Garagiola pinch-hits for anybody, that’s big news.”

He also acknowledged that he isn’t in the Baseball Hall of Fame, adding, “But that’s certainly a political thing.”

Garagiola said he is still something like “correspondent at-large” for “The Today Show” on NBC.

“What that means is they are paying off my contract,” he said.

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Add Garagiola: He told of the time the San Diego Padres tried John Kruk, now the Phillies’ first baseman, in left field.

“Watching him out there was like watching ‘Unsolved Mysteries,’ ” Garagiola said. “One day, there was a fly ball to left field, Kruk ran over and made the catch, and he was so proud he kept running all the way into the dugout. Only thing is, there were only two out.

“So Larry Bowa, his manager then, sat him down after the inning and said, ‘Look, John. This is our plan. I’ll give you three sticks of gum to start each inning. Every time there’s an out, you stick one in your mouth. When you run out of gum, you run right back in here and I’ll give you some more.’ ”

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Trivia time: Four San Francisco Giants won Gold Gloves. Which was the last National League team to have four Gold Glove winners?

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Impersonating a champion: Michael Wilbon of the Washington Post gave a sigh of relief when Nebraska missed being No. 2 in the bowl coalition poll.

“You see, Nebraska is the second-biggest fraud in college football every single solitary season,” he writes. “Michigan is Fraud 1. Together, they stack up All-Americans five deep at every position, then choke on New Year’s Day. You can make the case (and I often do) that Michigan and Nebraska football are the most overrated teams in all of sports. Any sport. Nobody chokes more. Fortunately, we don’t have to waste any more breath on Michigan, which was done weeks ago.”

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Get me rewrite: There was nothing fraudulent about the teams fielded by Glenn (Pop) Warner. And 39 years after his death, Warner has passed Amos Alonzo Stagg to become the second-winningest coach in major college football.

Based on research by the author of a new book on Warner, the NCAA has credited the coach with six more victories--five at Carlisle and one at Pittsburgh. That increases his career total to 319 and puts him ahead of Stagg, who had been No. 2 on the Division I-A list with 314.

Warner still trails Bear Bryant, who won 323.

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Trivia answer: The Philadelphia Phillies in 1981, with Mike Schmidt, Garry Maddox, Steve Carlton and Manny Trillo.

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Quotebook: The Giants’ Barry Bonds on his former teammate with the Pirates, Bobby Bonilla of the Mets: “Bobby is just the type of person who is not made for New York City. . . . He’s just too nice for New York.”