Despite Miles Between Them, Sisters Stay Close

Though nearly 1,000 miles separate them, sisters Carol Willis of Yorba Linda and Diane Partch of Gladstone, Ore., have been best friends and confidantes for 25 years.

In fact, they say, the distance between them has given them a closeness they might not enjoy if they lived next door.

They write, sometimes in serial letters as long as 27 pages, and talk--in hourlong phone conversations, and travel together, just the two of them, at least once a year.

While long-distance relationships are an unwelcome reality for many, Partch and Willis are among those who’ve taken it in stride and developed a style of communication that keeps them close.

“There is a definite specialness to our relationship because we aren’t thrown together all of the time under more common conditions,” says Partch, 41.

Willis, 46, agrees.

“If we lived closer, there’s a good chance that there would be misunderstandings, and we’d have more expectations of each other. Because we are so far apart, there aren’t any of those complications.”

Partch and Willis, who grew up in the Portland area, were not particularly close when they were younger and living together. Their five-year age difference loomed large then. When Carol was 21, she married and moved to California. On her trips home after that, she and Diane realized they enjoyed each other.

Long-distance relationships--whether between family members or friends--can be difficult to maintain. Keeping in touch takes time away from matters more immediately at hand; the lack of physical contact--a hug, a kiss, just looking at each other--makes the distance undeniable; contact often comes to revolve around major life events rather than a mix of the important and unimportant that give pace to a relationship.

Willis and Partch knew from the beginning that it was unlikely they would ever live near each other; they knew their relationship would need to be built despite the physical distance between them.

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Partch is married with three children, ages 3, 7 and 12; Willis is also married but chose not to have children. Partch is an engineer, Willis a marketing executive.

Despite their differences, the two women say they have a lot in common--and often find themselves on the same wavelength.

“We both love photography and traveling,” Willis says. “We also have similar tastes in clothing. Last Christmas, Diane sent me a blouse that I had just bought for myself in another color.”

Last week, when Willis learned that she would need surgery, she talked about it with her sister, discussing, among other things, when to tell their mother about it. Meanwhile, Partch sent her sister a bouquet of yellow flowers and a note that urged her to be happy--a message Willis said was just what she needed that day.

While they do talk regularly, much of their communication during the past 25 years has been written. Partch sends Willis serial letters; Willis sends Partch notes and cards.

“I write the letters over a period of weeks and even months, so they tend to be very long--sometimes as much as 27 pages,” Partch says. “In the letters, I write about anything and everything, including how I’m feeling at a particular moment and what I did that day.”

Sometimes between the long letters, Partch will stay in touch with a quick note: “I lost 10 pounds this week. Ain’t life grand!”

Although Willis says she doesn’t have the discipline to write her own serial letters, she treasures getting them.

“Diane’s letters are wonderful slices of her life that keep us connected,” Willis says. “They contain all those day-to-day details that you really miss out on when you don’t live near someone. And she often writes about things that you don’t think about talking about on the telephone.”

In one recent serial letter, Partch included a detailed drawing of a skirt and blouse she bought for work.

“The drawing showed everything--from the trim on the skirt, to where there was plaid and plain material,” Willis says.

In another section of the same letter, Partch discussed how she went on a photography expedition alone at a nearby mountain that has waterfalls.

“She told me in great detail how she walked up the mountain to the falls; how it had just rained and the forest was nice and fresh,” Willis says. “The rhododendrons were in bloom, so she took pictures of them. Then she sat by the falls and ate a picnic lunch that she’d brought with her.”

Her sister’s personality really comes through in the serial letters, Willis says. “Diane is all bubbles and really full of fun,” she says.

Instead of long letters, Willis tends to send Partch cards with shorter notes.

“Some years I will send her a bunch of cards before her birthday so she receives one every day several days before,” Willis says.

In her card-letters, Willis often describes her latest trip, whether it was for business or pleasure, says Partch.

“In a recent card, she told me all about a fishing trip she went on with her husband,” Partch says. “She wrote about the scenery and how much I would have loved it there. She described a lot of birds and other wildlife. Then she talked about camping by the river and what they ate while they were there.”

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About once a month, the sisters have a telephone conversation, which can last anywhere from 60 to 90 minutes. The conversations usually take place on the weekends, often on a Saturday night when Partch’s kids are less likely to need attention and both women aren’t working late or attending school.

“During a recent conversation we discussed how my 3-year-old son is acting up and how someone suggested I put him in school early,” Partch says. “Carol provided a completely different viewpoint that was very helpful when she pointed out that he would then be physically behind other boys and that would be a social handicap when it came to sports. As a result, I decided not to put him in school early.”

During the past few months, Partch and Willis spoke often about Partch’s recent job change, which meant leaving a company for which she had worked for 18 years.

“Deciding whether to change jobs was a hard decision to make. During that time, I called Carol a great deal,” Partch says. “She was always there to lend an ear, and that really helped me. Initially, when I called her I’d be upset, but by the time I hung up the phone, I felt much better and more clear on what I wanted to do.”

In addition to the current concerns in their lives, they talk about favorite subjects, such as travel, photography, dieting, the weather and shopping.

“We will discuss our recent purchases, especially if they are big ones,” Willis says. “Diane just got a big-screen TV, which was a big deal, so we talked about it for quite some time.”

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There are a few areas they rarely talk about because of dissimilar viewpoints.

These include the environment and politics. Willis holds conservative viewpoints, while Partch is more liberal.

“I think that we wouldn’t be as close if we started debating about issues we don’t agree on,” Willis says. “We respect each other’s views, but we don’t dwell on them.”

In addition to skirting certain topics, the sisters make it a point to stay positive during their conversations.

“If you only call to complain, that gets old really fast,” Partch says. “I think our relationship has stayed strong over the years because we’ve shared the positives more than the negatives. Whenever we get off the phone, we’re both usually uplifted.”

Which isn’t to say they don’t share their problems or life’s tragedies with one another.

“A month ago, Diane’s husband’s best friend died and she was very upset,” Willis says. “She called to talk to me about this, and of course that conversation was a sad one. Even though I had only met him briefly once, she’d talked about him so much over the years that I felt I also knew him.”

No matter what they’re discussing over the phone, both sisters agree that the time flies by.

“Eventually, one of us will notice that we’ve been talking for about an hour and say, ‘Well, you’re going to own the phone company.’ That’s our sign that it’s time to say goodby,” Partch says.

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Although they have always seen each other over the years, it wasn’t until a few years ago that they officially began their “sister trips.” The trips started almost by accident when the two took a long weekend trip together in 1987 and really enjoyed themselves.

Since that time they have made it a point to take one trip every year, just the two of them. The face-to-face contact and extended time together has become an important component in their feeling close.

Some years their trips have been more exotic than others, such as their recent trip to the Virgin Islands and the time they stayed in a condo overlooking the ocean in Maui. At other times the trips are more modest, like their car trip to the Arizona desert and the time they stayed at Willis’ house in Yorba Linda. On the at-home vacation, they lounged by the pool and did a lot of shopping and dining. They culminated the vacation by seeing “Phantom of the Opera” in Los Angeles.

“When we’re on our trips, we can talk about our feelings and how we look at life, which is something we aren’t able to do much of over the phone or in letters, because there just isn’t time,” Willis says.

It’s these substance-oriented conversations that Partch feels make their trips together special.

“We have meaningful conversations that are intellectually stimulating and thought-provoking,” she says. “It’s that kind of communication that keeps our relationship going strong.”

In the quarter-century their long distance relationship has endured, Willis and Partch have managed to be close as friends as well as sisters.

“We have the same childhood experiences to share and grew up with the same interests, “ Willis says. But, she adds, “if she wasn’t my sister, I would certainly choose her as a friend.”