Irish Claim Their Superiority Beyond a Reasonable Doubt

Notre Dame backup quarterback Paul Failla and kicker Kevin Pendergast came up with the “Top 10 Reasons Why Notre Dame Is Better Than Florida State.”

Failla read the list:

10. At Notre Dame, we have Touchdown Jesus. At Florida State, they’ve got Chief Wide-Right.

9. Florida State’s tomahawk chop is actually just a cheap imitation of our Lou Holtz salute.

8. At Notre Dame, our physical education program is a way to play golf, not graduate.

7. People say Florida State University has the best-looking girls in the country--and they may be right--but at least the girls at Notre Dame speak in complete sentences.

6. At Notre Dame, culture is the Snite Museum of Art, the Basilica of the Sacred Heart and the Grotto. In Tallahassee, culture is sausage and gravy with biscuits, confederate flags on pickup trucks and naked-lady mudflaps.

5. Notre Dame has the wildest bars. But don’t take my word for it: ask Scott Bentley.

4. Florida State has Burt Reynolds, Notre Dame has “Rudy.”

3. Notre Dame has legendary figures such as Rockne, Gipp, Leahy, Parseghian, Hornung and the Four Horsemen. Florida State has . . . well, Burt Reynolds.

2. Florida State looks to a man on a horse for inspiration. We look to the Lady on the Dome.

“And the No. 1 reason, ladies and gentlemen, why Notre Dame is better than Florida State: Some things you just know.”

Add Irish: Despite Notre Dame’s victory over Florida State and No. 1 ranking, all is not well in South Bend, Paul Attner of The Sporting News writes:

“Believe it or not, Coach Lou Holtz was claiming the other day that Notre Dame would have ‘an uphill battle’ in recruiting this year, despite being on the verge of winning a national title. Why? He didn’t have to say. It was because of The Book.

“The shadow of The Book--’Under The Tarnished Dome: How Notre Dame Sold Its Soul for Football Glory’--won’t go away because Holtz and Notre Dame have dealt poorly with the whole situation. Allegations in the book about Holtz’s treatment of players, his dealings with steroid use among his players and his toleration of special treatment given players by school professors are serious, yet he claims he has not read it nor will he read it. University officials have dismissed the charges out of hand.”

Says Holtz, referring to damage caused by the book: “Rather than selling Notre Dame (in recruits’ homes), we have to defend it and I don’t like having to do that.”

Trivia time: The 16-year-old stallion Kris S. is the sire of two of the winners--Hollywood Wildcat and Brocco--on Breeders’ Cup day at Santa Anita. What other two sires have had two Breeders’ Cup winners on the same day?

Who could forget?In an article on the need to change disciplinary rules for the 1994 World Cup so that top players don’t become disqualified over the course of the tournament, Jerry Trecker of the Hartford Courant asks: “Remember 1982, when Poland was forced to play its semifinal against Italy without captain Zbigniew Boniek?”

Uh, no.

Trivia answer: Cox’s Ridge (1985) and Nureyev (1987).

Quotebook: ABC football commentator Lynn Swann, on his time of 4 hours 26 minutes 41 seconds in the New York City Marathon: “Getting bumped around by some ex-Raiders fans and some ex-Cowboys fans took a lot out of me.”