He Got Bucks, but No Strokes?

News item: The NBA champion Chicago Bulls proudly announce the signing of European basketball star Toni Kukoc, 24-year-old from Croatia, to join Michael Jordan and his teammates for the 1993-94 season. At a news conference, Kukoc says: “I do not know so much about the NBA game. I have much to learn every day.”

Fifteen minutes later: Michael: Toni? Toni: Michael! Michael: I hear you got $17.6 million. Toni: Yes. Michael: How about some golf? Toni: Pardon? Michael: Golf. You know golf? Toni: Yes. Is where United States fought war with Iraq. Michael: No, golf. Not gulf. Golf. Toni: Oh. Michael: So, let’s go. Toni: Let’s go where? Michael: Toni, Toni, Toni. Do you want to be an NBA basketball player or not? Toni: Oh, yes. Michael: Don’t you want to be a real Bull? Toni: Oh, yes. Michael: Don’t you want to be like Mike? Toni: Oh, yes! Michael: Then let’s go golf. Toni: But I do not know this golf. Michael: I’ll teach you. Toni: You will? Michael: It’s easy. Toni: It is? Michael: Let’s go golf. Toni: Michael, my first day in town, you invite Toni to play golf with you? Michael: You sign your contract yet? Toni: This morning. Michael: You cash your check yet? Toni: This afternoon. Michael: Let’s go golf. Toni: Michael, this unbelievable big thrill for me. Michael: For me, too. Toni: You explain this golf to me, no? Michael: As we go. Toni: What we do first? Michael: You bring any shoes? Toni: Yes. Nice Nike shoes. Michael: Air Jordans? Toni: Well, no. Air Kukocs. Michael: You really are big in Europe, aren’t you? Toni: I no wish to brag. Michael: Don’t worry. Those shoes are perfect for golf. Toni: I no need spike shoes like you? Michael: Nah. You can play golf in anything, man. Toni: OK. What I do next? Michael: Take this stick. Toni: OK. Michael: This stick is called a putter. Toni: Putter? Michael: Putter. This will be your stick for today’s round. Toni: Is good stick? Michael: Oh, is very good stick. Toni: How many sticks you use, Michael? Michael: I’ll use 10 sticks. Toni: Ten sticks? Michael: Yes. That’s my handicap. Toni: Handicap? Michael: Yes, my handicap is 10. That means I use 10 sticks. Toni: I see! Michael: OK. The first hole is 450 yards long. Toni: What is yards? Michael: It’s like meters. You know meters? Toni: Ah, meters. Michael: Well, 450 yards is the same as . . . uh, 45,000 meters. Toni: Is long hole! Michael: Yes. Is long. Toni: And I only use this putter stick? Michael: Now you got it! Toni: I am golfer, yes? Michael: You’re a regular great white shark, man. Toni: Good. I be good friend to you, yes, Michael? Michael: You bet. So how about a friendly wager between friends? Toni: Wager? Michael: How much you say you got--$17.6 million? Toni: Yes. Is supposed to last me for eight years. Michael: No, no, no! They just tell you that, man. Every year you get another $17.6 million! Toni: I do? Michael: Sure! So let’s play golf for that $17.6 mil. It’s just pocket money, man. Toni: I do not know. Michael: Come on! You want to be an NBA player or not? Toni: I do. Michael: Then let’s go golf. Toni: For 17 million American dollars? Michael: Are you a Bull or a mouse? Toni: OK. I play you golf for $17 million, Michael. Michael: Call me Mike.