Baseball Is Losing Interest

T oday’s unconventional wisdom. . .

San Diego Padres: Where’s Bowie Kuhn when you need him? Didn’t there used to be a “best interests of baseball” clause the commissioner would invoke in circumstances such as these? Wouldn’t it be nice if baseball had a commissioner? Why stop at Gary Sheffield? At the going rate, couldn’t the Padres get Glenn Hoffman and two minor league buses for Fred McGriff? Doesn’t Tony Gwynn look sad out there all by himself? Wasn’t Joe McIlvaine smart to quit when he did? And smarter still to have made all those trades with the Mets? Where do I send for that season-ticket refund again? When do the Chargers start two-a-days? The Top 10 questions being asked by former fans of the former San Diego Padres.

Florida Marlins: Looking more and more like the textbook example of how to build an expansion franchise: Choose wisely (Jeff Conine, Bret Barberie), take the calculated gamble (Bryan Harvey), cut bait quickly (Junior Felix) and . . . spend some money (Harvey, Sheffield, Benito Santiago). The same concepts translate easily to hockey, in case the Ducks need reassurance.

Bryan Harvey: If the Angels are looking for, ahem, some pennant-race insurance. What would Harv cost the Angels today? Chad Curtis or Tim Salmon to start with. Then maybe Hilly Hathaway or Russ Springer. Then maybe another prospect. Dave Dombrowski might be willing to sit and listen after that.

The Angels: Of course, the point is nearing the moot stage, now that the five-man rotation is back again to Langston and Finley, with the bullpen bailing from the fourth inning on three times a week. Three months of contention was a pleasant departure for the fans, but rather ungainly for the Angel front office, which merely wanted to get through this season with a low overhead--maybe cut some expenses along the way--and dig in for the Lockout/Walkout of ’94. Tough to dump Finley’s contract now; 2 1/2 games out can be a bear. But there’s always August.

Carlton Fisk: “OK, you got the record, now will you please leave?” The White Sox should hit the basepaths so quickly.

Anthony Young: Call him Sigh Young.

Matt Young: I could have sworn he was the one who lost 24 in a row. Wrong Young, I guess. But close.

New York Mets: On pace to finish 47-115, so the ’62 Mets appear safe. If only Dallas Green had come on board sooner.

Jeff Torborg: Gaining support for National League manager of the year by the day.

Alexandre Daigle: The NHL’s top draft pick signs a five-year contract for $2.5 million a year and 25 general managers clutch two hands to their hearts. One more difference between hockey and baseball.

Mighty Ducks of Anaheim: And another. From the You Had To Be There file: Twenty-six brightly colored NHL banners hung above the stage at Le Colisee in Quebec, site of Saturday’s entry draft. They were arranged in alphabetical order, in two rows, with the Ducks rubbing logos with the stately Boston Bruins to the right and the New York Islanders and Rangers below. All day long, GMs and scouting directors kept blinking and looking quizzically into their cups of coffee.

Michael Eisner: He wears that plum-and-jade cap everywhere , presumably in the shower, too. “I like our merchandise, what can I say?” Eisner says, tossing up his hands. Not so with the three sons of the Lead Duck, all in their teens and 20s. “They won’t wear the Mighty Ducks cap,” Eisner reports. “They’re embarrassed by it.”

Ron Wilson: He owns Donald Duck ties but has no ties to the Kings, both factors weighing mightily into his hiring as the Ducks’ first coach. One of the three finalists, Mike Murphy, coached the Kings. Another, Al Sims, played for them. The Ducks are seeking autonomy from the cross-town Stanley Cup finalists, wanting to forge a separate identity. Not a bad idea. Wilson--young, non-retread, free-thinker--should help provide as much, though he clearly wouldn’t mind signing a free-agent enforcer by the name of Marty McSorley.

The Daigle Cup: To prevent a repeat of the Ottawa-San Jose sprint to the worst record in the league, the NHL decided to link next year’s No. 1 draft choice to the coin flip that determined the fourth selection in the ’93 draft. So it is set: Florida and Anaheim will draft 1-2 in ‘94, regardless of finish. Theoretically, the Panthers could make the playoffs--could win the Stanley Cup--and still get the No. 1 pick. Theoretically.

Chris Webber: “And the Orlando Magic selects . . . “ Webber’s bread won’t be in the same stratosphere as Shaquille O’Neal’s, but Shaq has spoken, and this is the front-line mate he wants. Together, they will give the NBA a glimmer of hope during these dark years of Michael Jordan tyranny.

Shawn Bradley: A 7-foot-6 leap of faith. They say you can’t teach 7-foot-6, true, but they couldn’t teach Manute Bol how to shoot, either.

Nolan Ryan: Though he has no regrets about his career, he says, sure, he wouldn’t have minded pitching for the Oakland A’s in the mid-1970s or the Big Red Machine or had Rollie Fingers in the bullpen. Instead, he had to pitch against the Oakland A’s for a Big Dead Machine, and the only fingers in the bullpen were on the hands of Dave Sells and Dick Lange.

Commissioner, Still At-Large: Ryan claims he was joking when he said in Anaheim that he was planning to run for baseball commissioner. Don’t let him off the hook. See any better candidates out there? See any candidates out there?

Luis Polonia: So, has Joe Vu burned his Luis Polonia doll yet?