NONFICTION - May 2, 1993

THE FIRST MEN’S GUIDE TO CLEANING HOUSE by E. Todd Williams (St Martin’s: $9.95; 124 pp.). As a new generation of empowered women head into the office, a new generation of socially inept and psychologically confused men seem more drawn than ever to the comforts of home. God forbid that men should ever confess this attraction, of course, but they do seem able to joke about it obliquely. Witness P. J. O’Rourke’s “Modern Manners” (recently republished by Atlantic Monthly Press as “The Bachelor’s Home Companion”) and this somewhat slower-witted but still telling and funny book. Williams begins by pining away for those days in the ‘50s when “American men knew how to clean house. They sat around in chairs, scratching crevices, and made vaguely threatening remarks to their wives.” Then he gets down to business, steeling his readers for such emasculating chores as dusting: “Think brave thoughts. Think ‘America.’ Think ‘frontier.’ ” Fortunately, Williams’ hip buffoonery cannot hide his genuine love for domesticity. As we see in this passage about the many uses of storage bins, his practical tips seem well-informed by experience: “The overriding principle is ‘one thing, one place.’ The minute you start mixing, it’s chintz curtains for everyone. You’ll end up with with something perfectly awful, like salad, say, or multiculturalism. It’s an especially good idea for a house with kids. For when you say ‘Clean up your room’ to an 11-year-old, it registers as a cross between Latin and Magyar: ‘Noofram pizzy clapsha, nik-nik possrep. ‘ “