We couldn’t wait a minute longer: One...

We couldn’t wait a minute longer: One wire service issued this advisory for today:

“3:30 p.m. Century City--O. J. Simpson will hold a news conference to discuss his participation as honorary coin-tosser for Super Bowl XXVII.�

So many questions for O. J. to answer: How many hours a day has he been practicing? Will he flip right-handed or left-handed? Let the coin fall or catch it? The game itself will be an anticlimax.

Such a deal: The RTD board of directors admits that there have been “concerns raised by . . . economically disadvantaged transit users� that the cost of the monthly bus/rail pass ($42) is “often a hardship.�

Are you ready for the solution? The RTD is offering a two-week pass for . . . $23.

Or you could buy two for $46.

Little Tramp on trial: The film “Chaplin� brings to life a once-prominent attorney whose statue stands outside the County Courthouse on Grand Avenue: Joseph Scott (portrayed in the movie by a snarling James Woods).

Scott, who was immortalized in bronze for his many civic good works, successfully represented 23-year-old actress Joan Barry in a paternity suit against Charlie Chaplin in the 1940s.

A colorful attorney in those freewheeling days, Scott was not shy about attacking an opponent. Years earlier, he drew the wrath of a foreign government when he proclaimed during a divorce trial that one witness possessed the “dirty, filthy, low mind that is so prevalent in France.�

During the Chaplin trial, Scott called the comic everything from “a cheap Cockney cad� to “a gray-haired old buzzard.� The last charge was interesting because Chaplin was 55 at the time, and Scott was 77.

Dictionary required: Jerry Earle says that from the look of an ad that a company ran in an apparel newspaper, it’s obvious why the firm has an opening.

The profile is everything in Hollywood: Al Hix noticed a crime blotter item in a Hollywood newspaper that described a “29-year-old Caucasian male, with blond hair and blue eyes, 5-foot 10-inches, 180 pounds wearing a yellow shirt and gray sweat pants with a very polite-looking long nose.�

What’s not in a name: Greg Horbachevsky of Glendale was shopping for blank videotapes and decided he wanted to “buy American.� He looked at the Polaroid brand, which said, “Made in Japan.� Then he looked at the Fuji brand, which said, “Made in USA.� He rented instead.

miscelLAny:

Sunday’s halftime extravaganza at the Super Bowl, starring Michael Jackson, somewhat dwarfs the halftime show of Super Bowl I in 1967. The featured performers that year were bands from the universities of Michigan and Arizona.