The network from hell: An El Monte...

The network from hell: An El Monte woman became upset when her cable box indicated that she was watching station 666, the numbers signifying the devil in the Bible.

Unable to change the station, she phoned a cable repairman, who had no better luck. The repairman figured the box was defective and hooked up a new one. Up popped 666 on that box.

Now, the repairman began to wonder whether he had stumbled on a problem better handled by a higher power. As an afterthought, he asked the woman about her remote control clicker. She said she’d lost it a long time ago. They searched. Finally, she found it buried under the sofa cushions.

The “6� button was mashed down.

Exit the devil.

Block that gawk!James Hanson of Lawndale believes he’s come up with a solution to the problem of looky-loos at traffic accidents. It’s his five-foot-tall, inflatable Traffic Shield (see illustration), which was recently viewed by law enforcement authorities at the Inventors and Entrepreneurs Expo in Long Beach.

Hanson believes that “once motorists are conditioned to learn that they won’t be able to see the gory details of an accident, they’ll have a reduced incentive to slow down.�

And who knows what other uses drivers might find for Traffic Shields? We could imagine them sprouting up on Lover’s Lanes all across the nation.

List of the Day: So, the Legislature has approved a bill that would set up the L.A. River Conservancy. Well, it’s about time that majestic expanse of concrete received some respect. There have been so many indignities over the years. Consider:

* In 1906, the City Council nearly sold the rights to the L.A. River’s bed to a private company before the transaction was uncovered.

* In the 1930s, construction of a flood-control system on the river was interrupted by a cloudburst. Result: The river’s first concrete bottom washed out to sea.

* Fearing that the name would inspire too many jokes, officials changed the name of the Los Angeles River Freeway to the Long Beach Freeway.

* One of the longest-running jokes on the Ken & Bob Show on KABC radio was the playing of the song, “I Lost My Liver in the L.A. River.�

* In 1985, county big-wigs gathered at the mouth of the L.A. River, where they were scheduled to hop aboard a Hovercraft. It was the prototype of a fleet of vehicles that would whisk passengers across both water and concrete. The prototype’s engine wouldn’t start. End of Hovercraft fleet.

* In 1990, VIP invitations were sent to the media for the debut of L.A. River Cruises--daily voyages between downtown and Universal Studios on the elegant barges, the Bradley and the Yorty. The beginning date: April Fool’s Day.

Unclear on the concept: New Toyota ads proclaim: “It’ll take you where there are no billboards.�

And where are they? On billboards, of course.

miscelLAny:

El Segundo is so named because it was the site of Standard Oil’s second oil refinery in the state. Oddly enough, there is no city named El Primero.