When He Got License Number, It Turned Out to Be His Own

Buffalo Sabre goalie Clint Malarchuk didn’t think life could get any worse than when his neck was slashed by a skate in a gruesome accident three seasons ago.

He was wrong.

Having trouble sleeping, Malarchuk recently concocted his own sleeping potion, mixing pain medication and alcohol.

It knocked him out, all right. And when Malarchuk awoke, he was at Erie County Medical Center.

“I went through hell,� he said. “It’s the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had in my life. The worst experience I’ve ever had in my life. The biggest mistake of my life, and it was tough.�

He had his stomach pumped at the hospital.

“The doctor told me, ‘You’ve been hit by a Mack truck. You’re going to feel like it for a couple of days.’ �

Trivia time: Who won the first NBA MVP award in 1956?

NOW hear this: The Oklahoma chapter of the National Organization of Women (NOW) is upset with Oklahoma basketball Coach Billy Tubbs because he broadcasts his weekly radio how from a local restaurant that features scantily clad waitresses.

Tubbs doesn’t think it’s an issue.

“What’s NOW?� Tubbs asked.

Not one of the guys: Amy Machin-Ward, a former All-American soccer player at North Carolina, is the new men’s soccer coach at Regis University in Denver. She’s believed to be the first woman to coach a men’s soccer program at the college level.

Machin-Ward said she doesn’t think coaching men will be a problem.

“To be honest, I prefer coaching men,� she said. “I feel like I enjoy good rapport with guys, and my coaching style tends to work better with guys.�

For openers: Most baseball teams have opening day, but the Baltimore Orioles will have an opening week when they move into a new stadium this season .

The Orioles are planning a pep rally, a picnic, a parade and a black-tie dinner-dance to open Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

Rough job: You think it’s easy to be a coach?

After watching his team end a four-game losing streak, Appalachian State Coach Tom Apke was asked the importance of the 86-81 victory over Tennessee-Chattanooga.

“My assistant coaches had dulled my scissors, taken away my letter opener and gotten me an electric razor for fear of what I might do with sharp objects,� he said. “I think this win may put their minds a little more at ease.�

Telling it like it is: After being voted into the Basketball Hall of Fame, Al McGuire revealed the secret of his recruiting succcess.

“I really couldn’t recruit a kid with grass in front of his house. McGuire said. “I was a cracked-sidewalk recruiter.�

Add McGuire: McGuire, who was called for more than his share of technical fouls, also thanked the officials who worked his games for helping him reach the Hall of Fame.

Trivia answer: Bob Pettit, St. Louis Hawks.

Quotebook: Edmonton Oiler center Craig MacTavish: “We’re far from putting up the white flag. When we get into the playoffs--if we get into the playoffs--we’ll be a team to contend with.�