Buddy System : Program Creates Friendships Between UCI Students and the Developmentally Disabled

IRVINE â€”  You sense a natural affinity between Karen Hess and Renee Widera.

“We do things together. We talk all the time. Renee is very special and I love her,” says Hess, 18, a student in Corona del Mar High’s program for the developmentally disabled.

Her 1 1/2-year-old friendship with Widera, a UC Irvine biology junior, may have an everyday ordinariness about it, but it’s far from conventional. The friendship was brought about by Best Buddies of America, which pairs college student volunteers as “buddies” with mildly and moderately retarded people, most of whom are in their teens and 20s.

“I feel lucky having Karen as my friend. She’s taught me a lot, especially things that we take too much for granted,” says Widera, who met Hess through the UCI chapter of Best Buddies.

“I don’t think about what disabilities Karen might have,” Widera adds, “only what she’s capable of, how independent and how much an individual she is.”

Widera then turns to Hess, who has been listening intently. Neither says a word. They just hug each other.

The UCI Best Buddies chapter is part of a nonprofit organization that was founded in 1987 by Anthony Shriver, then an undergraduate at Georgetown University.

The concept, Shriver says, was inspired by the highly successful Special Olympics, the athletics program for the developmentally disabled started in 1968 by his mother, Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

The Best Buddies organization, which now includes 1,850 college members in 111 chapters, is the only national volunteer program for direct involvement by college students with the mentally handicapped, says Anthony Shriver, who is president.

The objective is friendship. There is no tutoring or similar out-of-class instruction. There is no formal direct involvement with institutional programs. Instead, each pair of “buddies” meets at least twice a month. While chapters have occasional picnics and other group outings, the overriding emphasis is on the individual pairs.

“This has always been a one-on-one program. We want to nurture as natural a friendship as possible, without any set rules,” says the 26-year-old Shriver. “And we targeted college students for the program because here is a ready-made, highly concentrated group of young adults.”

To Shriver and other organizers, their campus network--from Harvard and Columbia to USC and UC schools in Berkeley, Davis, Los Angeles, Santa Barbara, Santa Cruz and San Diego--is just another sign of revived social activism on American campuses.

“Sure, we all know the image--students as fun-seekers and materialistic climbers, their noses to the corporate grindstone,” says Western regional director Andrew McGough, 30, a UCLA graduate who admits to once being a prime “Me Generation” follower until his conversion to the Best Buddies program.

“Luckily, we were proven wrong about many in this generation,” McGough adds. “We now find that volunteerism and social concern are on the rise again. We find that student activism is hip again.”

The UCI chapter, which grew from six members in 1989 to 31 today, is considered one of the fastest-growing in California.

The chapter also has 40 UCI “associate members,” those who are not active buddies but help with community outreach efforts, such as the All-American Boys Chorus benefit concert the chapter presented Saturday at UCI. On Sunday, Anthony Shriver attended a dinner at Barbacoa Restaurant in Newport Beach with his mother and sister, Maria.

The chapter’s additional roster of 31 mentally handicapped buddies are in developmental disabilities programs at University High in Irvine and at Corona del Mar High. Many of these students hold after-school jobs at stores or fast-food restaurants--the first steps, they hope, toward eventually living on their own and working full time.

Because most college students in Best Buddies have had little or no contact with the developmentally disabled, the mental and social capacities of most retarded people come as a revelation.

‘We have all grown up with the stereotype of the totally helpless, profoundly stricken individuals. We never realized that the great majority of developmentally disabled are not so afflicted and can fit well into mainstream society, if given the chance,” says the UCI chapter’s director, Dan Udrea, 21, a psychology/biology senior.

Some students approached by UCI chapter recruiters reflect the impact of the old stereotypes. They are clearly bothered by the idea of working with the retarded, Udrea says. And others, although indicating willingness to be buddies, drop out after attending orientation sessions, once they realize the time commitment would be extensive.

But Udrea notes: “We haven’t had anyone drop out once they become part of an actual buddy relationship. Once they get that far, they are hooked for good.”

The UCI chapter is typical of another trend within the nationwide network: College members cover the whole spectrum of career-seekers, including engineering, art and humanities majors, as well as those preparing to be teachers and medical specialists.

Another membership trend, though, remains a baffling one. At UCI, only seven of its active buddy members, about 20%, are men. The same low male-membership percentage is reported at both the Western regional and national levels of the organization.

Shriver suggests: “It may be that any volunteer or social work--and particularly this kind of relationship with people who are seen as very different--is still viewed as ‘women’s work.’ It may not seem cool or macho to many men.”

But then, recruiters make it clear that being a buddy to a developmentally disabled person isn’t easy.

There are the “behavioral problems,” which can include extra-loud talking or other seemingly abrupt actions by disabled people in a restaurant or theater.

“We discuss this among chapter members, but mainly with the (disabled) buddy’s parents. We expect these incidents can sometimes happen and we try to be prepared,” explains the UCI chapter’s assistant director, John Ellis, 21, a biology/history senior.

There are also the inevitable stares if the disabilities of a handicapped buddy are more pronounced. However, chapter members maintain that actual taunts are rare and then usually caused by “unthinking adolescents.”

“If this does happen, we try to explain things (to the taunter) and try to put him in the disabled person’s shoes. We find that is much more effective than being confrontational,” Ellis says.

To many parents and teachers, the program has given new social dimension to the lives of the disabled buddies.

“It’s more than the particular activity--the visits to the mall, the ballgames and picnics. It’s the friendship that counts the most. It’s being with our children and showing they care,” says Marianne Hess, the mother of Corona del Mar High student Karen Hess.

Even when the UCI buddy can’t visit that week, the contacts remain close. “Sometimes it’s the cards or phone calls our children receive. It means the buddy is thinking about our children all the time, like a real friend,” Marianne Hess says.

Adds Liz Krogsdale, a University High teacher for the developmentally disabled: “The (disabled) students know these are buddies who do it for free and on their own time. It’s outside the institutional system. So in that sense, the buddy visits have an extra special meaning.”

Psychologist Loren O’Connor, who helped form the UCI chapter, says, “Not only has it lessened the social isolation of the disabled participants, it has also deeply affected the lives of the college members.”

Some UCI chapter members say the program has prompted them to consider careers related to disabled-rehabilitation fields. For instance, chapter director Dan Udrea is part of a UCI project studying the severely retarded at the state Lanterman Developmental Center in Pomona.

Another parent, Vickie Giglio--whose 22-year-old daughter, Gina, joined the Best Buddies program while a student at University High--describes the impact on college students this way: “No matter what careers these (UCI) students finally choose, they are already one-up in certain ways. No matter what they do, they will bring with them a greater sense of compassion and tolerance for others.”