Be Creative, Mr. President : Supreme Court: Do we want another bland, boring clone or something more exciting?

The retirement of Thurgood Marshall creates pitfalls for President Bush, with a variety of groups calling for one of their own to get the seat on the high court, and liberals and conservatives both girding for battle. Bush can try to avoid conflict--picking another bland, boring nominee like David Souter--or he can be creative.

Be bold, Mr. President. The Constitution sets no requirements for service on the Court. One doesn’t have to be a lawyer, or even a U.S. citizen or resident. Consider some unconventional options:

1. David Letterman. Washington has been laughable for years. At least now you have the opportunity to put a little professional humor on the bench. Why Letterman? One, he’s available--he just lost out on the job he really wanted and is in the market for something new. Two, his “Stupid Pet Tricks” display the kind of depth we have come to expect from the court’s recent decisions.

2. Altovise Davis. Of course, the first reaction of the “pundits” and “court-watchers,” will be, “Who?” But Altovise Davis, the widow of Sammy Davis Jr., is a three-fer: female, black, and at least her husband was Jewish. She may even be Republican. (Remember when her late husband hugged and kissed Richard Nixon at the 1972 Republican convention?) Here is one of the very few people in America who can satisfy many demands for representation--not to mention delighting both Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin.

3. Barbara Bush. She’s not a lawyer and you’d be accused of nepotism. But look what a mess the lawyers have made, so how about picking someone with common sense? As for nepotism, it would be hard to imagine a single vote cast in the Senate against the best-liked figure in Washington. If you have only one wife to give for your country, this is the time to do it.

4. Saddam Hussein. I know, I know--he’s controversial. But he’s conservative and has the right party. (Remember the Republican Guards?) Besides, this would get him out of Iraq--nothing else has worked.

5. John Sununu. True, he’s got the same problem as Saddam Hussein. (In fact, he’s probably less liked in Washington than Saddam). But you could kill two birds with one stone by putting Sununu on the court and letting Bill Rehnquist take on the headache of defending his travels.

6. Ted Kennedy. Of course the conservatives would howl. But you’d get their bete noir out of the Senate--and he’d love it. With one of those robes on, it wouldn’t matter if he had pants on underneath.

7. Dan Quayle. Another opportunity to solve two problems. Just hand him a tennis racket and ask him to go on the court for a while. He’ll jump at the chance.

8. Julia Roberts. It’ll get her mind off Kiefer Sutherland, and look what she’d do for sales of the court’s annual photo.

9. Marion Barry. Few people know more about the criminal justice system, and he should feel at home on the high court.

So, Mr. President, show them that the bland, predictable George Bush is history.