COLUMN LEFT : Celebrate, and Guide, Sexuality : The church energy spent on judgment of intimate behavior has more important uses.
Sex is a great boon to Christian unity. We can’t agree about how to interpret the Bible, the doctrine of Christ or the meaning of Holy Communion. But there is ecumenical near-consensus that thou shalt not have sex outside the shrine of marriage. Not only is non-married sex sinful; homosexual behavior is even worse. Ecumenism at its strongest is found in telling the non-married what not to do with their genitals.
The Presbyterians are about to debate again whether gays and lesbians should be married or have their relationships blessed by the church. We Episcopalians will be doing battle in July. Methodists and Lutherans also will be debating this issue in the next few months.
Churches just love discussing people’s behavior in bed. Nosing around people’s sex lives is a favorite pastime of denominations with nothing better to do. It is so much more fun than feeding the hungry. How sweet it is to peek between the sheets of lesbians rather than house the homeless.
Presbyterians and we of other liberal denominations are not biblical fundamentalists or literalists. We take the Bible seriously and interpret it from historical, literary and spiritual perspectives. We change interpretations as each era brings new insights into human behavior. Christians prohibited the lending of money at interest, but when the churches found enjoyment in capitalism, that prohibition was dismissed. Not so very long ago denominations quoted Scripture to prohibit the use of birth control. Now most churches, enamored of ecology and saving the planet, call it a moral necessity. The one item left that has unified Christian biblical interpretation is anti-homosexuality.
The Presbyterians will be asked at their general assembly meeting in Baltimore on June 10 to vote to stop condemning sexual relationships outside of marriage and to ordain gays. The reformers, from the reactions so far, may be asking for too much too soon. The Episcopalians, biting off a smaller chunk, will be debating whether to give local bishops the option to ordain open homosexuals. This has a better chance of passing.
I wonder what Jesus would think about this debate. He gets blamed for our hang-ups about sex, but Jesus said nothing about homosexuals. Not once in the Gospels did he mention or refer to homosexuality. In fact, there is no evidence that Jesus was a heterosexual. He hung around 12 men of His own choosing. He talks of John as his beloved disciple. He was criticized for having women and prostitutes among his camp followers. He did not marry, and there is no evidence that he ever had sex. Denominations spend precious little exploring the sex life of Jesus. They fear they might discover he had one.
The churches need to get converted. They need to become “sex-positive†and cast off the old skin of appearing anti-sexual. They need to get further into the business of helping people to love their sexuality.
No one seems to want sex education in schools. Sex education in homes is getting worse and worse. Statistics on unwanted pregnancies show that our children don’t know how to say no, or how to enjoy sex and avoid pregnancy.
Wouldn’t it be fabulous if the churches taught the enjoyment of sex, instead of being negative about it? Sunday schools would be packed if churches taught children, teen-agers and adults about good sex. I do mean adults, too. There is plenty of evidence that married couples get “dead in bed†after the heat of initial passion burns off.
Churches blat about family life, but seldom teach much about sex and love relationships in their parish programs. It seems easier to be anti-gay than pro-family. Do we sponsor workshops and seminars helping couples, straight and gay, to learn to forgive, forget and move back into love? Or do we just offer counseling to the already distressed?
One of the arguments against supporting lesbian and gay relationships is that family life will be undermined and weakened. One of the best families in my parish consists of two gay men in a committed relationship. They each have children by their former straight marriages. They have legal guardianship of their children, one of whom is a severely handicapped teen-ager. They get out to the zoo and the movies, wash dishes, go to church and school. They love one another.
The roots of family life are deep and quite unshakable. The structures and forms of families will change and develop as we humans evolve. It’s time for the Presbyterians and the rest of us to be open to our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters and welcome them into our ministry, churches and families.
