Verbatim

Real Life 101. From the spring session of the education program that offers classes in practically everything: the Learning Annex.

* The Hard Times Survival Workshop. Course description: “Don’t kid yourself. The recession is here. You could lose your job. Here’s what you can do about it.� Gee, Wally, thanks.

* How to Get Anything on Anybody. “Will teach you how to find anyone; a lost relative, an ex-spouse, an old friend . . . or perhaps someone who owes you money.� Now you’re talkin’.

* How to Begin and Continue a Conversation. “You will learn to pick up cues, read between the lines, use body language and find out people’s intentions.� And cliche at will.

* How to Find and Recognize Your Soulmate. “There is someone out there who is right for you! This seminar will help you figure out how to recognize him or her.� It always helps if “this person� wears a red hat.