Three Attempts at Suicide, Then Hope

NEWBERG, Ore. —  Rose got scared after she drank the first bottle of cough syrup. She called a friend from Alcoholics Anonymous for help, but she heard nothing of what her friend said.

“All I could think was there were two more bottles in the cupboard,” she said.

Rose told her friend she was all right and hung up. Rose drank the remaining bottles. Another friend took her to the hospital.

The doctors said she was depressed. They suggested 30-day outpatient treatment. They gave her pills. The pills didn’t work, Rose said.

“A week later I got into a fight with my husband and cut my wrists,” she said.

The doctors gave her more anti-depressants. “I took all of them and I felt relief for the first time--and went to bed to die,” Rose said.

Her friend from AA found her and called 911. She was unconscious and in convulsions. She was in intensive care for four days.

Rose, a pseudonym she chose to protect her identity, is a 34-year-old executive whose third suicide attempt in as many months nearly succeeded.

She came from the hospital to Springbrook Institute in Newberg.

After 16 days in residential treatment, her outlook changed.

“I truly felt that God intervened for me,” said Rose, now living as an outpatient in a nearby apartment.

“I have my spark back. I have hope. I have healthy fear, which will keep me motivated. I care about other people and myself. I’ve made a good start.”

This is her second attempt at recovery. Her failure the first time took her self-esteem to new lows.

“Coming here was real scary,” she said. “I felt defeated. I couldn’t even die.”

Rose said she started drinking when she was 12, but didn’t admit she had a problem until she was in her mid-20s. She had a good job, a house, a nice car. She had a supportive boss and good friends.

“Those last two years, I didn’t have a crisis--and I was miserable,” she said. She had some blackouts and began to recognize a pattern.

“We would go out for ‘happy hour’ and have a few drinks,” she said. “I don’t know what they would do, but I would get a bottle and go home.”

She knew she needed something.

“I went back to church. I contacted family,” she said. “I even joined a softball team.”