It’s the stuff of air flight nightmares:...

It’s the stuff of air flight nightmares: An intruder appears in the aisle. Only on this L.A.-bound flight the intruder is a 30-inch python.

“The passengers were quite surprised,” admitted Continental spokesman Richard Danforth.

The serpent had been smuggled aboard in the coat of an unidentified woman in Houston. It escaped--in full view of many of the 100 passengers--when she decided to switch it to her carry-on bag, where she had a pillow.

Eventually, attendants scooped up the snake and parked it in the restroom.

The owner was questioned by airport police and released.

She was allowed to keep the snake, but was not given credit for its frequent flier mileage.

One of the most curious customs of Caltrans is setting out signs at freeway off-ramps that announce when those particular exits are going to be closed. Does the agency think motorists zooming along at 50-plus m.p.h. are able to digest that information? Or are interested drivers supposed to slam to a halt and take notes?

What Caltrans should do is reintroduce the old Burma Shave-type messages, which typically consisted of a jingle spread out over four signs.

May we suggest something bright and cheerful, such as:

Avoid the next ramp

On December First,

Unless you want

Your car to burst.

Cyndi Mitchell of Westchester recently posted 500 signs on street light and phone poles, offering a $500 reward for information on the whereabouts of her three lost dogs.

Now the city is growling at her. She’s been threatened with a $1,000 fine for violating an ordinance banning signs on public property.

Mitchell, whose dogs are still missing, was stunned. “I didn’t know it was a crime,” she said. “The way it was handled was terribly insensitive.”

She has begun removing the signs while the city mulls over whether to fine her.

James Washington, the city’s chief street-use inspector, said no exceptions to the law are allowed. “We basically call signs a type of pollution,” he said. “A sign is a sign is a sign.”

When the ornate Bunker Hill Steps were unveiled across the street from the Central Library, some downtown boosters said they felt as though they were walking on the fabled Spanish Steps of Rome.

Or, perhaps, the floor of any bank. The Old World charm of the stairway has been bolstered by some New World equipment: Surveillance cameras designed to alert security guards to the presence of panhandlers.

Ain’t civilization grand?

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Communities still listed in the map books include Hollywood Riviera in Torrance, Five Points in El Monte, Country Club Park in mid-town L.A., Hollydale in Paramount, Studebaker in Norwalk, and El Porto in Manhattan Beach.