After ‘89, Bruins Have No Place to Go but Up

THE COLLEGES

The battle cry for UCLA’s 1990 football team is: “Well, there’s always basketball season!” The Ruins sagged to 3-7-1 last year, though they did manage to get by San Diego State, 28-25--hence, the rumors that UCLA is preparing to jump to the Western Athletic Conference.

UCLA ranks as the plowhorse favorite to repeat as Bottom Ten champion, which would qualify the team for an appearance in Shreveport, La., in the former Independence Bowl, recently renamed the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl.

Other contenders are perennial pushover Losing State University (4-7) and a flurry of teams on losing streaks, including Nebraska, which is trying to recover from its morale-shattering 24-point defeat on New Year’s Day. Northwestern (0-11) is ineligible for the title because of the Bottom Ten’s no-repeat rule (no school may be champion more than 20 times in the same century).

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Baylor over Nebraska.

SPECIAL CITATION: A member of the Orange County Board of Supervisors proposed that seized drug money be donated to the beleaguered Freedom Bowl football game in Anaheim so that it could attract some big-name schools for a change. The proposal was turned down, despite his suggestion that the game be renamed the Freedom From Drugs Bowl.

PIGGY, PIGGY: Disneyland Pigskin Classic officials charged $28 for every seat for the Colorado-Tennessee game, thereby managing the remarkable feat of holding down attendance to 33,458 at Anaheim Stadium for a season opener between two nationally ranked teams.

THE PROS

It seemed a shame for the 1989 regular NFL season to end just when the Performing Bears had so much momentum going against them.

Inspired by Coach Mike Ditka’s midseason predictions, Chicago proved incapable of winning a game over the last six weeks. The team’s most explosive moment occurred when Ditka sacked offensive coordinator Greg Landry, ripping the clipboard out of his hands.

Unwilling to break up a losing combination, Ditka has brought back quarterbacks Mike Tomczak and Jim Harbaugh (not to mention Landry), making the Bears the early Bottom Ten favorite. But they’ll have to outdon’t teams led by Vinny Interceptaverde (Tampa Bay), Jeff (Boy) George (Indianapolis) and Gary Hoge-whatever (Phoenix).

Owner Bill Bidwill, whose Cardinals lost their last six games, is on a roll of a different kind. A Kingman, Ariz., developer is selling toilet paper bearing the likeness of the Cardinals’ owner.

CRUMMY OPENER: San Diego at Dallas.

LEGAL USE OF THE HANDS: The U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals rejected the claims of a 49er fan who said that when he was arrested at a Ram game in Anaheim for cursing and making “rude hand gestures” police exerted excessive force. They used a finger hold on him, he said.

GEOGRAPHY LESSON: Pittsburgh running back Merril Hoge, told he wouldn’t be allowed into Canada on a promotional trip because he didn’t have any ID, said, “I didn’t know Canada was outside of the U.S.”

RANKINGS

Team,’89 Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. UCLA (3-7-1) 20-38, Oregon Oklahoma 2. LSU (4-7) 16-32, Alabama Georgia 3. Nebraska (0-1)* 17-41, Fla. St. Baylor 4. Michigan (0-1)* 10-17, USC Notre Dame 5. Nrthwestrn (0-11) 14-63, Ill. Duke 6. Arkansas (0-1)* 27-31, Tenn. Tulsa 7. Virginia (0-1)* 21-31, Ill. Kansas 8. Blue (0-1) 10-28, Gray Gray 9. Stanford (3-8) 22-30, Ariz. St. Colorado 10. Texas (5-6) 10-21, A$M Penn State

11. Ohio State (0-1)*; 12. (tie) Alabama (0-1)* and Kansas State (1-10); 14. Lincoln (Mo.) (1-10) (announced it was abandoning football after a 7-48 record during last five years); 15.-17. The Carolinas (North, South, Western) (10-21-2); 18. Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl (0-0)*; 19. Idle (0-0)*; 20. U.S. Men’s basketball team.

*1990 record.

RANKINGS

Team, ’89 Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Alamo (1-15) 0-28, N.O. San Diego 2. Tampa (5-11) 23-56, Cincinnati Detroit 3. San Diego (6-10) 14-40 Raiders Alamo

LAND DIVISION

Team, ’89 Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Atlanta (3-13) 3-45, 49rs Houston 2. Jets (4-12) 0-37 Buffalo Cincy

AIR DISASTER DIVISION

Team, ’89 Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Chicago (6-10) Tomczak, etc. Seattle 2. Phoenix (5-11) Hoge-?, etc. Washngtn 3. Raiders (8-8) Schroeder, etc. Denver