Get a Life! : How Did We Go From the Innocuous ‘Have a Nice Day’ to Such an Abrasive Demand?

Remember a time, not so long ago, when the rest of the country made fun of Southern Californians for saying, “Have a nice day�?

More recently, we were fond of repeating the catechism, “Don’t worry. Be happy,� complete with Caribbean accent, as if somehow just the act of mouthing such banality would keep our karma in alignment.

Now, however, our mood has taken a decidedly dark turn, judging from the latest catch phrase that young and old among us are muttering:

“GET A LIFE!�

It’s another way of saying, “Wake up and smell the coffee,� of grabbing somebody by the jacket lapels and shouting, “Hey, we’re talking to you, buddy,� of lending urgency to that ‘70s plea to “get your act together.�

Maxine Johnston, founder of the Weingart Center for the homeless in downtown Los Angeles, said she first heard the phrase from her 17-year-old daughter.

“If I say something that she thinks is stupid, it’s, ‘Oh, Mom. Get a life!’ Or if she tells me she’s going to do something with her friends, like go to a beach house for the weekend, and I ask, ‘Are you the only girl going?’, she’ll say, ‘Oh, Mom. Get a life!’ � says Johnston.

“So I don’t know if that means, ‘Yes I am, and I don’t want you to know,’ or, ‘I told you two days ago who was going and you can’t remember again,’ or, ‘I don’t want to talk about it and it’s none of your business.’ �

To Johnston, “get a life� is her daughter’s way of saying that mom’s out of touch and needs to wise up. And a not-very-nice-way of saying it, at that.

“This is just another one of those ways that kids put their parents down,� Johnston notes. “After a while it doesn’t hurt any more because you’ve been sort of punched there so many times. So I don’t react any more. I’ve learned to put her on immediate ignore.�

Or consider the plight of Chris Duffy, a Westside fitness trainer.

Day after day, from 5 a.m. to 11:30 p.m., the 29-year-old Duffy sees hundreds of bodybuilders pumping iron in legendary Gold’s Gym in Venice.

Always the same routine. Always the same men and women.

One morning he simply couldn’t take it any more.

“GET A LIFE!� he bellowed at the startled weight lifters working out.

“They were miffed,� recalls Duffy, who uses the phrase all the time. “But it was just a sincere desire on my part to see these people relax about themselves. They stay there all day and the motivation for training is fear of inadequacy. They get a nice body, and never think it’s good enough and never stop to enjoy it.�

Of course, some people may be blissfully unaware of this new negative catch phrase for the ‘90s. But for the rest of us, it’s a cruel remark. Kids and teen-agers might use it to humiliate one another. But for adults, it’s also a poignant reminder that “getting a life� is no easy matter what with the seemingly nonstop demands of work and family that leave little time for any breathers.

Things have probably even gotten worse since a 1988 nationwide Harris poll conducted for the National Research Center of the Arts discovered that Americans have only a median 16.6 hours of leisure time each week, or 9.6 fewer hours than 15 years before. The survey also found that attendance has slipped at pop and classical music concerts, at live theater, dance and opera performances, thanks to the lost leisure hours.

It would seem those futuristic predictions--that by the year 2000 all sorts of nifty time-saving devices at home and on the job would give us lots of time to enrich our lives--were wrong.

And what happens when, and if, we get a couple of hours to ourselves? National surveys suggest we use them to watch more TV and get more sleep. Not exactly a textbook definition of what constitutes life, now is it?

Gerry Davison, chairman of USC’s Department of Psychology, believes “get a life� is in vogue because “it’s where people are right now. That ‘Have a nice day’ and smiley face stuff didn’t work very well. People are more in the frame of mind that times are harder economically and you have to knuckle down and get serious and do what you have to do to get along.

“In other words, get a life.�

Trying to pinpoint exactly who originated the phrase is like trying to confirm such urban myths as albino alligators in the New York City subway system or Elvis sightings at the Burger King in Tustin.

One obvious suspect is that underachieving dude, Bart Simpson. After all, he spews out lots of other slang, so why not this, too?

Not so, says creator Matt Groening, though “it’s not inconceivable that Bart would use the phrase.�

Rather, Groening believes “get a life� caught on because of a skit performed Dec. 20, 1986, on “Saturday Night Live.� In it, guest host William Shatner was attending a Star Trek convention and answering a lot of stupid questions asked by nerdy-looking Trekkies. Exasperated with them, Shatner finally shouted, “Get a life!� The audience roared.

One way the phrase was put into circulation recently is through the British dance band Soul II Soul, whose latest album “Vol. 2-1990-A New Decade� features the song, “Get a Life,� which is a favorite among DJs at L.A.’s underground clubs. The lyrics read, “Elevate your mind, free your soul, let your body lose control,� and a chorus of children singing, “What’s the meaning? What’s the meaning of life?�

“It’s a New Age-ish way of saying, ‘Take your mind off yourself for a change and be an asset to the collective,’ � says Soul II Soul fan Duffy.

Joe Crummey, a talk-show host on KFI (640 AM), reports that he first heard “get a life� two years ago when “the hippest and trendiest Hollywood type that I know� began using it. Now, Crummey has incorporated it into his show.

“It’s a great catch phrase to get out of a situation,� he says. “Say there’s someone who has nothing better to do than call up my show and try to harass it. That’s when it’s time to say, ‘Get a life!’ because it means they should get something else of meaning and significance into their life and stop wasting their time on stupid things like calling me and harassing me.�

Deputy L.A. City Atty. John Emerson agrees that saying “get a life� is another way of imploring someone to “demonstrate some self-respect in the life choices that you make. It’s definitely a cynical put-down. What it means is that the way you’re spending your time is worthless.�

Of course, the implication is that only someone with a life can urge others to “get a life.� And that smugness may be why the phrase is so annoying.

That’s how 18-year-old Laurie Cohen, a dropout from Grant High School in Van Nuys, says she felt recently when her boyfriend scolded her with, “Get a new job. Get a car. And get a life!�

How did she respond? “I told him I got a job. And I got a life. I just need a car.�

Eric Vallesteros, an 18-year-old graduate of Monroe High School in Northridge, also says he’s sick of hearing his friend Mylah Morales telling him to “get a life.�

“When he bums around, and he acts really stupid and he gets on my case for no reason, I tell him to ‘get a life!’ � Morales explains. “What I mean is, ‘Why don’t you do something productive instead of just playing ‘Archrivals’ at the video arcade in the mall and bugging the hell out of me?’ �

Replies Vallesteros, looking pleased that he has found the flaw in her argument, “Hey, I have a life. As long as I’m living, I have a life.�

And as long as people are saying, “Get a life!� etiquette arbiter Letitia Baldrige will cringe because it’s “rude, rude, rude� she says.

“I’ve heard it, and I think it’s terribly sharp and abrasive. And I think life is tough enough for all of us without someone saying that.�

Oh, yeah? Well, we only have one thing to say in response.

Hey, Letitia, get a life!