A Happy M.C. Hammer ‘U Can’t Touch This’

Do you think of the female gender as super-freaks or evil women? M.C. Hammer samples Rick James in support of the former view, while Mellow Man Ace samples Santana in adopting the conspiracy theory of degenerate womanhood. These two rappers take the top and bottom positions, respectively, in this month’s edition of Sound & Vision, where current pop video clips are rated on a 0-100 scale.

CLIP PICK OF THE MONTH:

M.C. Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This.” (Director: Rupert Wainwright.) The old-hat braggadocio in this rap is all too typical. We know we can’t touch this, Hammer; so what? But dig the dancing here, as exciting a succession of flailing limbs and fast cuts as you’re likely to ever see on MTV. As Hammer--clad in a hysterical pair of baggy pants--and his co-ed comrades work out, you may think you’ve tuned into one of those early morning aerobics shows, only it can’t possibly be aerobics because these people flapping their arms like chickens on speed look happy . Joyful, in fact. If watching this explosion of energy doesn’t make you feel at least twice as happy as you did before, you may be beyond therapy. 90

WORTH A LOOK & A LISTEN:

Don Henley’s “The Heart of the Matter.” (D: Geoffrey Barrish.) “Painterly” is a word that’s overused, but it applies to this gorgeously photographed evocation of love, risk, work and death, done up alternately in the deepest blue, yellow or red, during which you might pause to wonder if the three-strip Technicolor process has indeed been revived. Credit Henley for not shying away from intimations of mortality--”I’ve been trying to get down to the heart of the matter / Because the flesh will get weak / And the ashes will scatter,” he sings--and credit the director for not hedging on Henley’s themes of regret and redemption. 89

Bob Dylan’s “Most of the Time.” (D: Tony Curtis.) Slow and languorous, this is Dylan and band live in a warehouse, the hardy musicians following their leader’s not always steady lead--no lip-syncing, and sure as heck no overdubs. It begins and ends spontaneously, as if during a casual practice session, and it’s messy, just like rock ‘n’ roll. Is this excerpted from an unreleased long-form video? If so, can we see it, please? 80

Elton John’s “Club at the End of the Street.” (D: Derek Hayes.) A nice, if limited, animation job does a cute job of illustrating Elton’s evocation of the perfect mythical nightclub, a place right in your neighborhood and in your honey’s as well, an integrated spot with the coolest jazz and R&B; live on stage all day and all of the night. One question, though: Why does the clinically sterile arrangement of this song sound so unlike anything you’d ever want to pay a cover charge to hear at this club? 63

GAMMA RAY ROT:

Mellow Man Ace’s “Mentirosa.” (D: Ian Fletcher.) The good news is that Ace has what is almost certainly the first truly bilingual hit. The bad news is that he uses his equal-op mixture of ingles and espanol for invectives directed at a no-good girlfriend he accuses of sleeping with anything that moves, which fits in quite nicely with the current tidal wave of verbal chick-bashing. The video--which uses English subtitles for the Spanish lines--even envisions his tirade as a trial, complete with a gallery of male witnesses apparently willing to testify that the little tramp accepted their money for favors. Four minutes or so of pure misogyny, “Mentirosa” sounds like hate in any language. 18