Something Is Rotten in Vermont
MONTPELIER, Vt. — While the rest of the world celebrated the first day of spring Tuesday, residents of this New England town, known as the “Rotten Sneaker Capital of the World,†took refuge under a blanket of snow.
Foul weather, however, failed to dispel the noxious fumes rising from the Montpelier Department of Recreation gym as the 15th annual Odor-Eaters International Rotten Sneaker Contest drew to its repellent close.
Snatching victory from “de-feet,†14-year-old Matt Greenhaigh of East Greenwich, R.I., was declared the world champion in the smell-offs, winning out over contenders from across the United States, Puerto Rico and Canada.
Matt, who was the Atlantic States Regional winner, competed against seven other finalists--Melissa Bergdorf, 13 of Uniontown, Ohio; Nicholas Gray, 10 of Denison, Tex.; Jason Koch, 14 of Salisbury, Mass.; Brian LaRue, 14 of White Sands, N.M.; Alexandy Gregory, 14 of San German, Puerto Rico; Russell McDonald, 14 of Aurora, Canada, Micum MacIntyre, 10 of Montpelier.
“Matt won by a nose--my nose,†proclaimed Dr. Herbert Lapidus, chief odorologist, head judge and inventor of Odor-Eaters insoles.
Armed with gas masks and 10-foot poles, Dr. Lapidus, who is known as the “Einstein of Odor,†headed a panel of judges including Ann Cummings, the newly elected Mayor of Montpelier, whose first offical act of office this was; disc jockey Tim Janawicz, Montpelier High School girls basketball coach Roger Crowley; Rebecca Reed, a respected mother of two, and Ben, a golden retriever.
Matt’s sneakers qualified as “best of the worst†in nearly all categories, including humongous holes, lost soles, tattered tongues, grisly grommets and a truly disgusting odor, discernible from 20 feet away.
Asked how he achieved such lows of decrepitude in a relatively short period of time, Matt, who hopes to own a chain of skateboard stores, shrugged and said, “It’s mostly skateboarding, but it also helps to ride a bike and use your feet instead of brakes.†Going to camp was another big boost, he added.
“I’ve seen wear-and-tear,†said Matt’s mother, Ellie, a music teacher, who lives with her four children and her husband, David, headmaster of the West Bay Christian Academy elementary school. “But I’ve never seen anything to equal the condition of these shoes--nor the battles over keeping them.â€
For her bravery, Mrs. Greenhaigh was awarded the Odor-Eaters Purple Sole of Valor, a distinction presented only to the mother of the international winner. “I don’t know what it is about adolescent feet,†said Dr. Lapidus, pinning the medal to Mrs. Greenhaigh’s coat, “but I sympathize with every mother in America who’s ever tried to separate sneaker and child.â€
The contest does achieve sneaker-child separation, at least among the winners. All the finalists’ sneakers--eight pairs--were enshrined in the Odor-Eaters Hall of Fumes, a triple thick, air-right display case designed to immortalize the rankest of the rank.
The grand prize winner received a $500 US savings bond and a sneakers survival kit designed to prevent subsequent contest entries. The kit contains a brand new pair of Van’s sneakers for every month in the year, and a year’s supply of Sneaker Tamers, Odor-Eaters’ more athletic cousin.
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