RESTAURANT REVIEWS : Suiting Tastes of Horror Movie Fans, Surfers

What were L.A. restaurants known for before the grilled baby vegetables era? Two things: 1) Fast food. 2) Bizarre decor. On one hand, the cafeteria and the drive-in, and on the other, the theme restaurant and the eatery shaped like a hot dog or a derby hat.

Traditions with roots like these don’t die out at a puff of sushi breath. Both the Burger That Ate L.A. and Woodie’s Goodies are here to confirm everything the outside world used to believe about us before it started to think we live on kiwi and pink tofu.

The Burger That Ate L.A., in particular, should get some kind of prize for the sheer exuberance of its bad taste. The kitchen is made to look like City Hall with a bite out of it, and the dining room is the burger (you are likely to sit under a portion of ceiling that looks like a huge tomato slice). As far as possible, everything on the menu has been given a name out of an old horror movie, such as Key sLime Pie. Did I mention that we’re on Melrose Avenue here?

But when it comes to the taste of the food, rather than the visuals, there are no particular thrills. The burger manages to be thick without being flavorful, and the Tuna Sandwich from the Black Lagoon is as ordinary as can be. The best sandwich is grilled knockwurst with European mustard, and the next best probably the ham and cheese (on a bun, like all the sandwiches) with hickory sauce. Significantly, both are good because of shrewd shopping for preserved meat, rather than skillful cooking.

The Burger That Ate L.A., 7624 Melrose Ave., L.A. (213) 653-2647. Open for lunch and dinner daily. No alcoholic beverages. Street parking. No credit cards. lunch for two, $9.90 to $17.20

Woodie’s Goodies in Long Beach is a straightforward sandwich shop for the surf crowd, catering to it, for instance, by name dishes after famous surf beaches: e.g. Trestles Waffles. But it piles on the surf motif so high the result really is something to see. The walls are crowded with huge old-fashioned surfboards and surf memorabilia. (How did they get the photo of the guy holding a burger and a beer as he surfs?) The waitresses place your orders through the window of a VW carrying three surfboards on its roof and pick up your catsup from where its front seat would be.

The menu is definitely not ambitious, but there’s a meaty mild chili with a not-excessive quantity of black beans in it, and the sandwiches tend to come buried in thick waffle-cut fries made from unpeeled potatoes, which are surprisingly good. They’re OK sandwiches, if a little heavy on the mayo. The Bali Chicken Salad is a Chinese chicken salad except that the chicken has some curry and chutney flavoring, which would have been an avant-garde idea 20 years ago.

On the other hand, I’d cross the street barefoot in August at noon to avoid the tacos. The chicken is mushy, the fish a mistake (don’t just substitute fish in a beef recipe, guys, it won’t go), and I tasted something very much amiss in the beef taco that I’m hoping was a stray bit of fish. Don’t expect much in the dessert department, either, though they let you mix two or more flavors in the milkshakes. Banana-chocolate isn’t bad at all.

And have a little respect. This is colorful regional tradition, sort of what the cracker barrel is to Vermont.

Woodie’s Goodies, 5372 2nd St., Long Beach. (213) 434-9283. Beer and wine. Street parking. No credit cards. Open for lunch and dinner daily, breakfast Saturday and Sunday. Lunch for two, $10.80 to $22.30.