No Wonder the Nice Guys Finish Last

I was just sitting here wondering if the Orioles or Cubs or Rangers had anybody else they’d like to give away.

Maybe Baltimore could send Cal Ripken Jr. to the Dodgers for, oh, Jose Gonzalez, Tim Crews and a year’s supply of Italian sausage from Farmer John’s.

Maybe Chicago could send Ryne Sandberg and Andre Dawson to Texas for, say, Edwin (Never on Sunday) Correa, the guy whose religious beliefs forbid him to work weekends.

Maybe the Rangers in turn could send 10 men to Cleveland for a slightly cracked fungo bat.

I just love the winter trade meetings, don’t you?

The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. The nice guys who finished last, or close to last, get suckered and swindled by the more successful clubs. They give up gifted players for able bodies, and call it rebuilding.

Eddie Murray for Brian Holton, Ken Howell and Juan Bell?

I mean, you got to be kidding.

The Dodgers still have to throw in a player to be named, right? Like, Mike Marshall, maybe? Or Mike Scioscia? Or Mike Davis? C’mon, let’s at least send Baltimore a couple more Mikes--Sharperson, Ramsey, Devereaux, somebody. Hell, send ‘em me. I can’t make the Orioles any worse.

Whatever’s going on in Baltimore these days, let’s pray it isn’t spreading. Hard to believe these guys won a World Series just 5 years ago. Last season it took the Orioles close to a month to win a game, and next season it might take longer. They’re becoming the Miami Heat of baseball.

It’s like an end-of-the-year close-out sale. All ballplayers marked down. Everybody must go. Blue-light specials on surprisingly affordable minor leaguers. So, come on down to our Oriole showroom. Just look at these fabulous extras. If you need a shortstop, we’ll throw in a second baseman, absolutely no obligation, no money down. Here’s Cal Ripken and his brother, Billy. If you want a better infield, come see Cal.

The Dodgers robbed them blind. We would prefer to remain objective about such deals, and acknowledge the possibility that the home team doesn’t always know what it’s doing. But, come on now, gimme a break. Anybody who thinks Baltimore got the best of this deal has been eating some bad crab.

Only injury, I figure, can keep Eddie Murray from coming to the ravine and busting the ball all over the lot. The man can hit. He put on a slugging exhibition one night in Anaheim a couple of years ago that was the greatest performance I’ve seen at an Angel game since Leslie Nielsen sang the national anthem. Murray smacked 3 straight home runs, after which they refused to pitch to him.

As a sportswriter, if there are two personalities in baseball I can do without, they are Kirk Gibson’s and Eddie Murray’s. I have had bad experiences with both of them. But, contrary to some public opinion, I am not a blithering idiot. (I’m an idiot, yes, but I rarely blither.) Usually I recognize talent when I see it, just as usually I recognize highway robbery when I see it. Signing Kirk Gibson was good business. Anybody who had seen him in Detroit could see that. As for trading for Eddie Murray, well, who wouldn’t?

Who wouldn’t, particularly when the price was a middle relief pitcher, an injured pitcher with 18 lifetime victories and an expendable minor league shortstop? Hey, unless Juan Bell turns out to be as good as his brother George, the Orioles got hosed. The Dodgers traded them three beans for a cow. And, I seriously doubt if Holton, Howell and Bell were magic beans.

Most of the deals made during the winter meetings keep us talking until springtime. Everybody in Chicago is still recovering from the Rafael Palmeiro-to-Texas transaction, just as all of the Ranger baseball fans--well, both of them--are buzzing about the number of bodies shipped to Chicago and Cleveland over the last couple of days.

I can’t be sure how these deals will turn out. Personally, I believe the Cubs gave away the goods for a bunch of trinkets. But, we’ll see. Benefit of the doubt, and all that.

Texas is going wild. It has gotten rid of Pete O’Brien, Oddibe McDowell, Paul Kilgus, Mitch Williams, Curtis Wilkerson and others, in a desperate attempt to finally do something right. The Rangers, over the years, have become the invisible ballclub. Nobody talks about them, nobody sees them on television, nobody 90 miles from Dallas can name nine people on their roster. Maybe next year will be their year. At least they’re trying.

I don’t know what Baltimore is doing. The team practically gave away Mike Boddicker, and now they have stuck a gun to the Dodgers’ heads and demanded that they take Eddie Murray off their hands before he hits one more home run and makes the rest of his teammates look bad. In trade negotiations, the Orioles had one demand, and stuck to it firmly: Give us any three players, they insisted. And, by George, the Dodgers gave in to their demands.

All the Dodgers need now is a leadoff man to replace Steve Sax. With Murray in the lineup, the club can now afford to go with a fairly weak-hitting infield that makes all the plays defensively. The Dodgers can afford to go with Jeff Hamilton, Alfredo Griffin and their mystery-guest second baseman now that they have above-average hitters at the other positions.

What they need is for the second baseman, whoever he may be, to bat first and make steady contact, because nobody else in the lineup is visibly qualified.

If they feel like signing Willie Randolph, that’s OK by me.

On the other hand, if they want either one of the Ripken brothers from Baltimore, I hear the Orioles are demanding upward of $100, all in cash.