In Europe, It’s a Different Game

Terry Pluto of the Akron Beacon Journal, reporting on the Boston Celtics’ trip to Spain, where they played teams from Yugoslavia and Spain in the McDonald’s Open, noted that there are 12 McDonald’s in Madrid.

“And they all serve beer,” he said. “Two hours before their morning practice, the Italian team was spotted at one McDonald’s having breakfast of Egg McMuffins, and many of the players washed them down with a brew.”

When the Celtics played the Yugoslavs, Pluto said that during one timeout, the Yugoslav coach found himself talking to the backs of 12 heads.

“That’s because all of the Yugo players had turned around and were staring at the Memphis State cheerleaders, attired in tights and halter tops,” he said. “International basketball usually doesn’t have cheerleaders. The coach just gave up talking and stared open-mouthed with the rest of the team.”

From Mike Ditka, thanking everyone for their concern since his heart attack: “I’ve got 5,000 pieces of mail that are not opened yet, but I’ll tell you about one of them. It was a letter from someone in Andover, Mass., and it was written on yellow paper. It said, ‘I don’t like you. I don’t like the Bears. As a matter of fact, I detest you. But get better. You’re good for football.’ ”

Add Ditka: Asked how many cigars he used to smoke, he said: “Fifteen. Big ones. They’re gone. I don’t miss them a bit.”

Add Bears: Said Richard Dent when asked about all the injuries to quarterbacks: “To hell with the quarterbacks. They don’t care about me if I get hurt. Go get another one, or tape him up and put ice on him and send him out there. That’s what they’d tell me.”

For What’s It Worth: The 691 yards in total offense by USC against Arizona State is more than the Trojans ever totaled under John McKay or John Robinson. The school record is 978 yards, against Pomona in 1925. USC won the game, 80-0.

The National Collegiate Athletic Assn., which didn’t start keeping records until 1937, lists the record at 883 yards, by Nebraska in 1982, against New Mexico State.

Trivia Time: Who blocked the attempted field goal by Norm Johnson that preserved USC’s 22-21 victory over UCLA in 1981? (Answer below.)

Gary Player, disputing the claim that today’s golfers are better, told Golf magazine: “If you gave Ben Hogan, Sam Snead and Byron Nelson today’s equipment, prize money, bent greens instead of Bermuda (grass), beautifully raked bunkers and carts that take dew off the grass--they didn’t play one course in as good a condition as the average course today--there isn’t a young guy on the tour that could come close to them.

“Arnold Palmer, Jack Nicklaus, Lee Trevino, yes, but I don’t see any young players coming close to Snead. Come on!”

Now-it-can-be-told Department: From Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe: “The Phoenix Suns will save a bit on training supplies this year with the retirement of Alvan Adams. He used to beg rolls of adhesive tape from trainer Joe Proski in order to tape the hotel room curtains shut. He couldn’t sleep if there was the slightest bit of light in the room.”

Said Houston Oilers Coach Jerry Glanville after the Seattle Seahawks pulled out a 27-24 victory over the Oilers Sunday: “Chuck Knox has never changed. If he’s not the best coach in this league, I don’t know who is.”

Trivia Answer: George Achica.

Quotebook

Scott Hastings of the Miami Heat, on the daily diary he’s writing for the Miami Herald: “Hopefully, this venture will be more successful than David Cone’s.”