Californians Who Can’t Read: A TIMES PUBLICE SERVICE REPORT : Learning To Read at 38: A True Story

“IT WAS LIKE BEING IN A ROOM WITH NO LIGHTS AND BEING TOLD THAT THE matches in your pocket won’t work. And you believed it. You don’t want to reach for the matches becaue you are afraid that maybe they are right. Maybe they will never work. And that was what I was taught to believe--that this brain doesn’t work and it can’t work.”

Three years ago, Bob Mendez was asked to emcee a photography awards ceremony at an adult school where he taught evening classes in photography. While he was flattered, he did his best to refuse the honor. The reason: He couldn’t read. When his supervisor refused to take no for an answer, Bob resorted to a tactic he has used all his life to cover up his reading problem--he memorized what he had to say.

With the help of his wife, Mendez memorized 10 pages of names, categories and awards. On awards night he stood before an audience of 1,200 and made not a single error. As he recalls, “Within a week I had memorized everything. Within two weeks, I knew how to do the awards even if they were out of order. I would stand in front of a mirror so that I would say each name slowly, distinctly and look as if I was reading. I didn’t make one mistake; no one knew I couldn’t read. My ego said, ‘Look what you did; you got away with it; no one knew.’ But I knew I had to do something.”

What he did was contact the Glendale YWCA Literacy Council and was subsequently paired with tutor Glenn Henderson. For the last three years, Mendez and Henderson have met twice a week, using the Laubach one-on-one teaching approach. His reading and writing skills have improved considerably, and Mendez recently passed a promotional exam that he had taken and failed three times before. A custodian at an elementary school in the Los Angeles Unified School District, Mendez has been promoted to plant manager. With pride, he mentions that he scored No. 1 on the exam.

A Long History of Covering Up

“For me, reading got lost in elementary school,” said Mendez, who was born and reared in Los Angeles. From the 3rd grade on, he never got a grade higher than a D in reading and spelling. He didn’t learn his ABCs until the 7th grade and didn’t learn how to tell time until the 8th grade. When he knew he would be called upon in class, Mendez said, “I would go to the bathroom. I would get up the fifth person before they got to me and I would make sure I wouldn’t be there. And, of course, they knew I couldn’t read and they didn’t want to put me through the embarrassment.”

Despite his lack of reading skills, Mendez graduated from high school. In fact, he had 15 more credits than he needed to get a diploma. When asked how he managed to navigate through tests and written reports, he claims it wasn’t very difficult. “I learned to cheat--simple as that,” Mendez said. He added, “I had a wandering eye and a lot of luck. I despised cheating but I had to use it to get by. And when possible, I would be as honest as I could.”

He was a likable student, never caused any trouble in school and had a good attendance record. In his senior year he was president of the pep club, a member of the drama club and involved in many other extracurricular activities. He said, “Those activities helped me because they taught me how to get along with people. If I only had to rely on my grades, I think I would have dropped out. But I had these other outlets which allowed me to be creative and be more verbal.”

According to tutor Glenn Henderson, “Bob is eloquent and smart. But when I first met him, he was the consummate con artist.” It was the combination of verbal skills, social skills and acting skills that allowed Mendez to cover up his reading problems. Mendez said that he learned at an early age, “If you come out positive, forceful and you take charge, then you are a leader. And even if you can’t read, people tend to overlook it.”

Now 38 years old, Mendez said he was always haunted by his inability to read. “I was brought up to believe that if you couldn’t read, you were not successful. If you couldn’t read, you were doomed to be a failure. You were stupid. Not being able to read bothered me a lot, but my attitude was that I would do something tomorrow, and tomorrow turned out to be 20 years later.”

After graduation from high school, Mendez got a job as a custodian in a department store in Covina. “I was very glad to get it. I was almost thankful I got a job because I honestly thought that was all I could ever do,” he said. In his 20s, he volunteered for the Army, served in Vietnam, and, after his discharge, went back to custodial work. After taking photography classes and passing an oral test for a part-time teacher’s credential, he taught evening classes in photography while still keeping his day job as a custodian at an elementary school.

The photography awards ceremony was a turning point in his life. He no longer wanted to rely on his oral and acting skills. According to Mendez, “I felt that I was living an entire lie, and that sooner or later someone was going to find me out and I would finally have to admit to my problem. Even my friends didn’t know I couldn’t read. This literacy program was the last desperate effort for me. I honestly said that if I couldn’t make it here, I would never try again.”

Before joining the Glendale YWCA literacy program, Mendez had been enrolled in several basic skills classes at adult night schools but the classroom environment only frustrated him. Even when he enrolled in the one-to-one tutoring program, he said, “There was still this little voice in my head calling me stupid. I believe that when any student comes into this program, he has to get rid of a lot of excess luggage because there is a lot of guilt and a denial that yo uhave a problem. And there are a lot of tricks that you have learned--that you have to get rid of. You have to restructure yourself. And that’s hard to do if you have never had to do it before.”

Speaking Out

Since Mendez first went public with his story, he has been besieged with requests to continue relating his experiences in order to help others come forward and get into literacy programs. He has been interviewed on local and national television programs and was a guest or Michael Jackson’s nationally syndicated radio talk show. He has spoken at literacy conferences and has done a number of newspaper interviews. In addition, he has been featured on a public service announcement made by PLUS (Project Literacy U.S.), the national awareness campaign by ABC-TV and the Public Broadcasting Service.

In November, 1987, California Literacy, Inc. recognized Mendez’s dedication and service to the Glendale YWCA Literacy Council by awarding him the Adult Learner Service Award. His diligence and willingness to speak out were further rewarded last June when Laubach Literacy Action presented him with its National Award for Excellence at their annual convention. Mendez was one of six students nationwide to be honored.

Student-Tutor Relationship

Of his tutor Glenn Henderson, Mendez said, “Glenn has been my best friend. Without Glenn, I know I wouldn’t have learned how to read. Glenn has patience, and I don’t feel that I’m under pressure. That’s what makes him such a good tutor. He lets me go at my own speed. All students at a certain point run into a wall and think they can’t get through it. We all need someone like Glenn to get us through it. I think each tutor has to be a little bit of a psychologist.”

Henderson encouraged Mendez to speak out in order to help others and frequently accompanies him to conferences and media interviews. According to Henderson, “Bob is very unusual because he can now talk about his problem. Most of our students can’t do that. Their self-esteem is very low. That is the most pronounced thread that runs through all of our students--low self-esteem. And teaching them to read improves their self-esteem remarkably.”

The president of the Glendale Literacy Council, Henderson currently tutors three students, each on a one-to-one basis. A retired busienssman, he stresses the importance of a good pairing of students and tutors: “Tutors get asked for all kinds of advice and there is not going to be a learning process unless at some point--and it better be pretty quick--you become friends. You have got to have a good rapport.”

A proponent of the one-on-one tutoring method, Henderson said that many of the students in his program did not learn well in a classroom setting. Other conclusions that he has made from his personal experiences: that most of the students have been told at some time early in life that they are not intelligent, and that most of them were not read to as children by parents or other family members.

Henderson is excited about the progress Mendez has made over the last three yearse. “He always surprises me,” said Henderson. “One day, after we had been working together for a year and a half, Bob came in and said, ‘Thanks, Glenn. For the first time in my life I have been able to read my Christmas cards.’ ”

The student-tudor team frequently jokes about what each has done for the other. Mendez says that Glenn is determined to make him into a brain surgeon. Henderson claims that Mendez is making him famous. He explained, “When I introduce myself at some literacy event, my name doesn’t register with anyone. When I say that I tutor Bob Mendez, people know who I am. Bob has made me a luminary.” In a more serious tone, Henderson added, “This is the first volunteer work I have ever done. It’s a whole new world and I just love it. You get so much back from this that you don’t know where to put it all.”

As a gift, Henderson gave Mendez a box of business cards since Mendez is often asked for his card when he makes public appearances. “The cards were a very important symbol for Bob. They meant he is now a member of the establishment and not an outcast anymore,” said Henderson.

Still Struggling

Even though his reading and writing skills have vastly improved, Mendez admits that he is still waging a silent battle with reading. He said, “When I sit down and read a book, it is agonizing. Reading to me is still not natural, not comfortable, and I have to learn to get comfortable with words. These words are like sitting on nails. All they do is remind me of embarrassment, of being belittled, of total frustration. I know that the words have to become my friend, instead of my enemy.”

Mendez has set many career and personal goals for himself, and he intends to remain active in raising awareness of literacy problems in this country. He also hopes to one day soon become a tutor himself. Since he is often asked what it is like not to be able to read, Mendez usually tells the same story: “It ws like being in a room with no lights and being told that the matches in your pocket won’t work. And you believed it. You don’t want to reach for the matches because you are afraid that maybe they are right. Maybe they will never work. And that was what I was taught to believe--that this brain doesn’t work and it can’t work.”

“The reason I’m speaking out,” he said, “is because I know that I can communicate well. I want to get people who can’t read to understand why they can’t and people who can read to understand why other people can’t.”