A Quick Rundown on Tour de France

If you’ve wondered what the Tour de France bicycle race is all about, Tony Kornheiser of the Washington Post has managed to wrap it up in one paragraph. Take a deep breath.

“It’s the dreaded, unending, up the mountain, down the mountain, up the other mountain (stuck behind the goat herd), through the tunnel, pass the Perrier (no thank you, no more Brie for moi ), past the vineyards, down to the shore (15-minute break at St. Tropez topless beach), past the Academe Salade Nicoise, past the Cannes Video Store (This month’s special, Catherine Deneuve and Sly Stallone in Rocky V: ‘Yo, Babette, Get Me A Croissant, Or I’ll Smash Your Face’), across the Charles de Gaulle bridge, around Marcel Proust Library, past the Jerry Lewis 99 Francs At All Times Theatre, back up the mountain, back down the mountain (aren’t we there yet?), into Paris, out of Paris, board the bus to Versailles, take a few pictures, back on the bus, finally on the Champs Elysees, Martha, I think I spotted Gene Kelly, and after 21 days enough already TOUR DE FRANCE!!!

“Is this beaucoup fun, or what?”

That’s-not-cricket Dept.: From a wire story out of Manchester, England: “Lancashire denied accusations by West Indies captain Viv Richards that they had fixed the Old Trafford pitch to suit England in the third Test here.

“Richards claimed that Old Trafford groundsman Peter Marron had watered the wicket in the middle to blunt the Caribbean quickies.”

Wasn’t that the guy who worked at Candlestick Park when Maury Wills came to town?

Trivia Time: Who has played in the National Football League, American Football League and Canadian Football League and has been an assistant or head coach in the World Football League, United States Football League and Arena Football League? Hint: He earned a Super Bowl ring with the New York Jets. (Answer below.)

65 Years Ago Today: On July 7, 1923, Lefty O’Doul, pitching for the Boston Red Sox, allowed 13 runs in the sixth inning to the Cleveland Indians, who won, 27-3. He was sent down to the Pacific Coast League, returning in 1928 as an outfielder. He won two National League batting titles and finished with a career average of .349.

It-had-to-happen Dept.: “He’s got the bulldog look now,” said Channel Z’s Rick Monday, marveling at Orel Hershiser’s command of the situation as the Dodgers led the Cardinals, 3-0, Tuesday night.

It promptly became 3-2 as Tom Brunansky and Terry Pendleton hit consecutive pitches for home runs.

Said heavyweight contender Frank Bruno of Mike Tyson: “Mike is no King Kong.” Said Charles Leerhsen of Newsweek: “But the problem is that the landscape Tyson inhabits has been littered with Fay Wrays.”

Add Newsweek: It revealed that manager Bill Cayton, target of a lawsuit by Tyson, received the papers as he was sitting at ringside for the title fight. Cayton handed the papers to his lawyer, Thomas Puccio, who says, “I glanced down at the first few paragraphs and almost missed the fight.”

Trivia Answer: Babe Parilli. He was a backup to Joe Namath on the 1968 Jets. He currently is coach of the New England Steamrollers of the Arena Football League.

Quotebook

Czech tennis coach Pavel Slozil, promising that former Davis Cup teammate Miloslav Mecir will never suffer from burnout: “His idea of training is to hit drop shots for 10 minutes, sigh, and say ‘OK, that’s enough.’ ”